At long last, we have come to the final post in this series. This one is cheating a little bit because it’s about my whole family, but I don’t think I have the stamina to continue this series for as long as I would need in order to adequately credit my them for all they’ve done. Considering that they’ve influenced my life since I was born, that’s a huge time period to cover, and I’m sure I’ve been supported in ways that I’m completely unaware of.
Growing up, my cousins were pretty much my friends. Of course, back then we were a lot more bratty to each other than we are now that most of us are 18 and older. Most of my gaming experience prior to college took place at either my grandparents’ house, or at one of my cousins’ houses. Now that I think about it, nearly all of the trips I’ve taken out-of-state have been with the families of at least 2 or 3 cousins. New Mexico and Colorado (for
My cousin’s wedding had a photo booth + props. These are the cousins I hung out with the most growing up.
snowboarding and skiing), Disneyworld in Florida, and my last trip to Vietnam are some of the more memorable excursions — and I guess I actually have their parents to thank, both for taking care of the trip plans and also for allowing me to tag along on those few times when my parents didn’t/couldn’t go. Of course, I have my grandparents to thank for coming to the US in the first place, and for raising their children to value family so highly. Without that, I wouldn’t have had a past where I visited my grandparents every weekend, and saw most of my cousins every weekend because they were there to visit the grandparents too.
I’m not exactly sure what to focus on when talking about my parents. They were definitely overprotective, and I feel like that aspect of them played a large part in me not really having friends growing up. But while they were overprotective about me hanging out with people outside of school and emphasized the importance of doing well in school, they gave me a good deal of freedom as well. They let me play whatever sport I wanted, even though my dad didn’t particularly like the possibility of me getting hurt. The classes I took and the colleges I applied to were all my own decision; then again, that freedom might’ve stemmed more from not having much knowledge or experience with American education. My mom was the one who pushed me to get a job during high school. I don’t remember the exact reason for it, but I’m sure it was something related to independence and also to prevent me from spending all my free time at home.
Regardless, they’ve always given me their support. A good deal of it is monetary — my living expenses during undergrad, and now living expenses + tuition during my master’s program. Even though they don’t make much themselves, they never asked me to get a job during undergrad; they wanted me to be able to put all my focus into my classes. Even when I decided to change my career plans, they continued supporting me (albeit with some reluctance and concern regarding financial feasibility and the likelihood of me burning out).
I guess one of the best ways my parents have influenced me is by not limiting my curiosity. As I said before, they let me play any sport I wanted. While they disapproved of excessive gaming, they never got rid of any of my games, or prevented me from getting any. In a way, my mom encouraged it — my curiosity, not my gaming habits — by taking me to the library every week during the summers when I was still in grade school. She cultivated my love for reading, and I only wish I had the time and ability to enjoy all my hobbies to the extent that I want.
I have a feeling my mom had to semi-drag my dad to the photo booth.
While encouraging my curiosity definitely played into my learning how to knit and crochet, I think a larger part of it was appreciating the concept of doing and making things oneself. My dad has built multiple things around the yard (treehouses, chicken coops, a fountain), and my mom taught my sister and me the basics of sewing and embroidery. They grow many of their own vegetables and herbs, and a majority of the meals I ate while growing up were cooked from scratch. Plus they make stuff from memory — no cookbooks or recipes found online, like I have to rely on whenever I try to make something.
My sister and I weren’t very close growing up. Since we were born eight years apart, I’m sure I was an annoying kid that she had to babysit, more often than not. I don’t have many memories of/with her from when I was younger — she moved out for college by the time I was in 4th grade, so I imagine most of what I remember from my childhood is similar to that of an only child. When I switched to the public high school, she gave me a few pointers on classes to take and whatnot, but we didn’t really start becoming close until after I began college. By that time, she’d already saved/earned enough money to build herself a house, so she began inviting me to stay with her during the winter breaks and the summers that I didn’t take classes.
In spite of growing up apart, for the most part, we have similar personalities. We’re introverted, getting cranky if we have to socialize for too long, even if we’re having fun up until that point. We both are pretty big foodies, though I think I got some of it from her. She’s also crafty; last year she made coasters for me and my parents for Christmas. She cooks more than I do, and she almost feels like a second mom whenever I stay with her ’cause I usually just end up eating all of her food and while doing minimal work in preparing meals.
Her husband, Brad, is pretty great too. He’s more into gaming than my sister (she’s only really into WoW), and he’s introduced me to a variety of online games. It’s hard to keep up with him, honestly, since he burns out rather quickly, while I take forever to begin playing any sort of game with consistency. I’m also not used to playing multiplayer games, so I tend not to play them unless I’m playing with him. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but he and my sister actually met through WoW. I feel like it’s one of those stories where things aren’t expected to work and probably shouldn’t, but they do anyway. They were part of the same guild, and apparently Brad originally thought my sister was a guy because he’d make a dirty joke and she’d go along with it. My sister liked his corny humor. Eventually they started talking on the phone, and he moved to Texas to live with my sister about 6 months later. I’m not sure when they started dating, but I feel like it was probably around my junior or senior year of high school. Maybe sometime in 2008? Regardless, they got married last year and had Owen, my adorable nephew, earlier this spring.
By this time of the night, I’d had a few drinks in me, as you can tell by my flushed skin tone.
Anyway, in addition to gaming, he also likes to make stuff. He mainly does woodworking, but he’s also pretty handy with a sewing machine, which he proved by making beanbags for this game called “Corn Hole” (aka the bean bag toss). He’s always eager to show me how to do stuff, and in the past has let me help him with fixing up his Jeep. He also showed me how to drive a manual in that Jeep, but it was kinda difficult since my legs could barely reach the pedals.
I have my sister to thank for my parents being more supportive when I decided to change career plans from MD to PhD. After initially making the decision and telling my parents about it, they balked and kept trying to convince me to retake the MCAT so I’d have that score to use as part of a backup plan to go back to premed if I decided that research wasn’t for me. My parents prefer that I call them every night just to let them know that I’m okay and nothing has happened to me, but during that time I didn’t talk to them for at least a week, if not more. Apparently I came up as a topic of conversation during one of their phone calls during that time I withdrew from everything, and she supported my decision to change careers, if that’s what I really wanted to do. I’m sure that a big part of the reason my parents were hesitant back then (and still kinda are now) is because it’s a little difficult for them to understand research as a career. And since their understanding of both the medical field and research field are a bit dated, they’re worried about my job stability and ability to support myself in the future.
Anyway, I’m not exactly sure what my sister said to them, but she was able to allay some of the fears/worries that they had that were stressing me out. Since then, communication among my family has been a bit more open, and we’ve begun talking to each other a bit more often. I’m really thankful that I have such a supportive and (pretty) open-minded family. While I may not talk with them as openly or often as I do with the other people mentioned in this series, I can’t even imagine what my life would be like now had I not had my family to rely on this whole time. It’s thanks to them that I’m able to have such high aspirations for myself, and that I’m in a position to pursue the career I want.
This was after the wedding. It’s hard to see, but the glasses Brad’s wearing light up and have a flashing mode.
October photos with my nephew, Owen!
My sister, Brad (her husband), and Owen (their son).
Today was a “GOTTA CLEAN EVERYTHING” type of day. My parents drove up in the evening to visit me for July 4th weekend, so that plus Adderall gave me the motivation to do a more thorough type of cleaning. Things I did:
Finally washed the remaining plastic containers that I had let pile up over the months
Vacuumed the whole apartment (not as difficult now that I’ve been vacuuming semi-regularly since my last cleaning frenzy in May)
Wiped down the kitchen and bathroom with Clorox wipes
Collected all the trash in my car
Vacuumed my car
I also finally went through all the emails in my inbox. After assigning labels and whatnot, I went from around 120 emails to just 9 emails in my inbox. I don’t like having more than 25 or so emails in my inbox at a time. It stresses me out. Clutter stresses me out. Which is frustrating because (up until I found HRPG), I would let trash and stuff collect, and I would just retreat to a more clutter-free room of my apartment until that too filled up with clutter. And then finally, when I had no places left to retreat to, I would finally go into a cleaning frenzy and get rid of a majority of the clutter. And then, since that frenzy took so much effort I wouldn’t keep up with keeping things clean, which then just starts the whole cycle over again.
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking something along the lines of, “Praxling, if you just kept up with things daily, such as rinsing your dishes when you go to put them in the sink, you wouldn’t be stuck having to do a massive amount of cleaning all at once.” Believe me, I know it’s easier to just take that extra minute or two a day, rather than leaving it to pile up. But even if I say that to myself repeatedly, sometimes the rest of my brain is just like, “No. I don’t feel like it. It’s too much trouble, and I don’t see what I get out of it. Dun.”
And so I dun.
These are the custom rewards I’ve set for myself so far.
When I’m on Adderall, it’s a little bit easier. Sometimes I’m able to convince the other part of my mind that, yes, it’s not that much trouble. I’m already standing there at the sink, so why not just turn on the water and rinse my dish out really quickly.
Since I’ve been focusing on my health this summer and have gained a little weight back, now it doesn’t feel as tiring to do simple little things, and I’ve been able to convince myself to do things even when not on Adderall. Honestly, though, Habit RPG has helped significantly. Now that I’ve set it up, I can look at it each day and see the things I want for myself to do. Doing those things and checking them off earns me XP and money for my character. With that money, I can buy armor to improve my character’s stats (I’m a mage), or spend it on some of the rewards I set for myself.
It’s more motivating to do things when I use HRPG because I get to see the reward of gaining money and XP every time I do something. Having to pay in order to indulge myself in something — say, an hour of gaming — helps me keep myself more accountable. If I go over one hour, I have to pay again. I’ve also set up a habit for gaming. If I keep to my 1 hour limit, I get to click the ‘+’ button on that habit and get rewarded for my self-control. If I go over, I have to click the ‘-‘ button, which makes me lose XP and money, in addition to me paying for the gaming reward again.
I realize it’s probably really boring to hear me talk about this mundane thought process, but this gamification of my life just makes things so much more fun. Since I’m ADHD, I need a motivational push in order to consider doing normal everyday tasks that others might do out of habit. HRPG provides me with that motivational push.
I’m very much one of those “out of sight, out of mind” people. I can’t use the grocery/produce drawers in my fridge because I’ll forget about whatever I’ve put in there. I rarely use my freezer, so if I’ve bought frozen foods, I’ll forget about that too until I randomly open it. And then go, “Oh yeah, I bought that. I bought that a long time ago, didn’t I?” That’s why I keep collecting clutter. I have a thing, and I say to myself, “Hey, this is important so I’m going to leave it here where I can see it so I remember to take care of that.” But then I do that with lots of things, and then there are so many things to look at that I’m overwhelmed and don’t know which thing to do first. Prioritizing is another thing ADHD people have trouble with.
Anyway, that’s why HRPG is so helpful. Seeing an increase in XP and money every time I do something productive provides me with a measurable way to track my progress. Having something I can look at daily to know what the basic things I need to do to take care of myself helps make sure I do those things. And when I say basic, I mean basic. Brush teeth, wash face, eat breakfast, eat lunch, eat dinner. Take vitamin. Get out of bed. Take a shower. And at the end of the day, if I didn’t do a few of the tasks on my dailies list, my character loses HP. So trying to keep my character from dying motivates me to make sure I get those basic necessities done — which keeps me from dying IRL (lolz).
Part of me wants to feel ashamed that I need something to remind myself to do these things, but hey, I’m different! I’m not normal. So I should stop making myself feel bad by comparing myself to neurotypical people who don’t have to worry about breaking down these behaviors to this extent. Because there have been plenty of days where I mentally yelled at myself to get out of bed, to go do something. And when I didn’t, I started insulting myself. Believe me, I wish it were as easy to listen to myself as it is for normal people.
Well, I did not expect to talk about HRPG in this blog lol. Here, have a cat picture.
This is my mage in HRPG.
One thing that I wish for is that people try to be more understanding of mental disorders. It’s saddening when someone dismisses the problems of someone who has a mental disorder just because they don’t have those problems and they’re things that they consider simple and a daily part of life. Because that kind of attitude just frustrates and damages the self-esteem of the person with the disorder. And being frustrated, and having low self-esteem just makes it that much harder for those with mental disorders to work at the changes they want to make in themselves. I’m not one for using a mental disorder to excuse behaviors because that implies that no effort is being put into bettering that behavior. I am all for acknowledging that many behaviors and actions can be attributed to having a mental disorder; acknowledging it and understanding it allows for a way to work around it.
All right, I’m getting off my soapbox. I feel like that last huge paragraph was too rambling and jumbled to make any sense.
In any case, I hope you all have a wonderful July 4th weekend! (And that goes for even if you don’t live in the US.)
My parents visited this past weekend, and I finally tried talking to them about waiting another year before applying to med school and staying here to do a master’s program. Of course, things tend to not go as well as planned, and I wasn’t able to get my parents to understand or listen to my reasoning. Not knowing how else I could explain things to them, I figured it was time to ask my uncle for help. Continue reading “My Last Resort: Asking for Help”
Disclaimer: Guys, this one’s a doozy of a post. I think it might require some mental preparation on your part. Really. Guys, this post is ~4700 words long. I just wrote a freaking essay.
I’M SO SORRY IT’S SO LONG. As usual, I ramble way too much, and the rambling is probably exacerbated by the fact that I’ve been up all night. I’m also out of practice, having not vlogged in quite some time. Of course, it only gets worse as the video gets longer! Maybe you should just skip this post. The text/blog portion will be a TL;DR thing anyway. Don’t you like how I speak in run-on sentences? Or if not run-ons, really choppy and stuttered sentences? LOL my voice gets kinda croaky at the end. Wanna see the original take? It’s 2 minutes shorter!
I know that vlogs are supposed to be a kind of standalone thing, but I seem to be unable to just have a vlog by itself. I think it’s only happened once so far. In any case, what with my spectacular speaking abilities, I feel that most of the things I say in the vlog need to be further clarified, or at least more fleshed out.
I’m pretty sure the Batman game was my sister’s, and the Beauty and the Beast one was mine.
So I started with . . . my laptop? After waiting over a month for Lenovo to deliver my laptop, I finally got fed up and canceled my order. Within a week, I found an Asus laptop of similar build and pricing and promptly went to buy it in person from a nearby Microcenter. If you read my last post, you’ll remember that I never really had a chance to play mmos and build online friendships through that. Well, with my new laptop, I’m able to play most of the games that I own. Nightmaren suggested I try Eden Eternal, an mmo that s/he began playing during the summer. After about a week of playing Eden and (for the most part) ignoring the rest of the world, I reached level 40 and grew tired. I’d found a few people with whom I partied with more than once, but they didn’t get on regularly; after a few days of grinding on quests by myself, I stopped logging on regularly also. I kind of feel like MMOs aren’t my style of gaming, but since I’m new to MMO, maybe I just need to give it a second chance. Then again, I’m hesitant because MMOs require time and dedication, and if I focus on MMOs, then I’ll fall behind in my studies. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to prevent, what with the psychiatric appointments and Adderall. I failed to mention it in my second take, but I bought a PS2 bundle off of eBay that came with 2 DDR pads and 4-5 DDR games (and a whole bunch of other games that I don’t really care about). My justification for it was that I could use it to exercise, and since I would have fun playing DDR, I would be more likely to consistently exercise and work my way up to a healthier lifestyle. Well, that hasn’t worked out so far; most of the time, I get the urge to play late at night (10 pm or later), so then I refrain because I don’t want to disturb my downstairs neighbor. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a downstairs neighbor — I’ve never seen anyone enter/exit that apartment, nor seen light filter through their blinds at night. Now I sound like a stalker. (21:40, took Toto out to go to the restroom and saw that lights were on in the downstairs apartment, so someone does live there. /creeper)
I feel stupid when I take pictures of myself with a normal smile or in a normal pose. So, naturally, I make stupid faces and poses in order to make myself feel less stupid.
In the vlog, I mention that my ex-boyfriend referred me to my psychiatrist. In a past post, I vaguely hinted that my ex and I started dating again. And now we’re not again! Yayyy. I really don’t remember what I said in my vlog and secret vlog regarding this topic, but just to give you the gist: we broke up in October (again), this time more on a mutual note and because, though we enjoy each other’s company, each of us has a peeve that the other can’t/won’t change, which is a big enough peeve to keep us from being compatible as boyfriend/girlfriend. Next item to flesh out is . . . my hair. I think I said all that needed to be said on this topic, but I do have a picture for you to see what my hair looked like with the highlights. And you get to see my “new” glasses! I know they’re pretty hipster-looking, but they’re prescription glasses, and I’ve always liked the look of thick frames. I just didn’t think I could pull it off, and up til now I’ve been getting my glasses solely from my uncle’s business (he’s an optometrist), which has a rather small selection of frames compared to online or even Walmart. Anyway, I got a coupon for a pair of free frames from coastal.com, and their policy is that you can send them back if you don’t like them. Luckily, I like them, so I didn’t have to worry about that. I didn’t notice on the website, but the front corners of the glasses (the silver spots) are math symbols; one is a multiplication sign, the other a division sign. There’s an equal sign on each temple. The color of the highlights looks more reddish in this picture, but the actual color of the dye was fuchsia. I think after a couple of washes the color bled out to this pinkish-red color. The first time I got the highlights (actually, Chris did them for me) was in June, so by the time I (Chris) redid them in August or September, they were pretty faded; however, they faded really prettily, as opposed to some colors/dyes that turn dull or some unflattering shade. Honestly, I liked having the highlights (my parents were of another opinion), but my hair grows too fast for me to really enjoy the look for long. I have to give props to Chris, though. He did the highlights for me both times and was also the one to dye my hair back to a more natural color; I’ve gotten compliments every time.
My mom’s learning how to text! And teaching me Vietnamese at the same time! Lol I referenced Google translate so many times for my responses.
Anyway, that’s enough of my vanity. As promised, I’ve included a screenshot of the text conversation with my mom. Judging by the timestamps, it takes my mom approximately 20 minutes to type out a text. Considering that she’s typing with her pinky (her pinkies are the only fingers with nails short enough to allow for accuracy and precision) and that I only taught her how to use the QWERTY keyboard on Friday night, she’s doing really well! I’m proud of her. And her texts only have one or two typoed words, and that’s just because the android keyboard is trying to predict words for her in English. After some research (sacrificing time that would be better spent doing my bio lab review), I was able to find the Swiftkey Vietnamese Beta (I’ve always used Swiftkey). I haven’t used the Vietnamese keyboard yet (I installed the English language pack also), but hopefully the Vietnamese predictions will be close to conversational Viet. Even if it’s not, as long as you correct it, Swiftkey will learn and adapt to your preference. I hope that it’ll make things easier for my mom when I install it on her phone during Christmas break.
I suggest you stop here and take a break. The following content is a little raw and will probably be heavy going. Sorry for the wall of text.
I really have great parents. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for their unconditional love and support. Sure, they can be a little overbearing sometimes, but they’re entitled to that, with all the things they’ve had to go through as immigrants. Since I can’t seem to motivate myself to care about my studies or future, my knowledge of the hard work they’ve gone through to support and provide for me (without question) should help guilt me into trying harder. It still might not be enough, though. At the end of my psychiatric appointment, the psychiatrist (we’ll call him Dr. Stein) gave me a sheet with general precautions to take with my psychotropic medication, the bottom half of which had an area where the psychiatrist could write recommendations and instructions for the prescription. Along with a titration plan for the Adderall XR (I just noticed today that it’s extended release), Dr. Stein listed a couple of resources that would give me more information about ADHD and strategies to manage it, in addition to the Adderall. While I haven’t found any strategies that are applicable or new to me, I found articles that discuss ADHD symptoms, some of which I now see I’ve had, but didn’t (or refused) to connect to ADHD. Then again, many ADHD symptoms coincide with other disorders, so I couldn’t (and still can’t) say what it is for sure.
1. Lack of motivation/apathy can reflect impairment of executive functions in the brain. When I went to the campus counselor, she thought my apathy was more a result of dysthymia, a mild form of depression. Again, since many ADHD symptoms coincide with depression, I didn’t question it; besides, most of the tips the counselor gave me could alleviate symptoms for both disorders.
2. Disorganization/messiness: I used to think I was a fairly organized person before college. My locker (and desk in grade school) was always neat and organized. I can’t remember how organized I kept my bedroom, but I do remember multiple sleepless nights where papers were scattered all about as I hastily tried to finish a project that was due the next day.
3. Procrastination: My sister claims she was the queen of procrastination. I have no idea how much she procrastinated, but I know that I’ve procrastinated since at least 5th or 6th grade. I procrastinate on washing dishes, taking out the trash, and doing laundry. You could possibly even say that I procrastinate on showering . . . wow, that’s gross. And, of course, studying. I’ve already spent my whole Sunday working on this blog and researching more about ADHD when I have a bio final tomorrow, haven’t finished the review, have a 5-10 page paper due Tuesday, and a paper and exam on Wednesday. There have been times where I clean in order to avoid studying. Priorities.
4. Problems with memory and forgetfulness, lateness: Now, I’m fairly good at recalling random facts or events from the past, so I didn’t think I had any problems with memory/forgetfulness. I’m decent at remembering plans that I’ve made with someone, but I often forget if an assignment is due in class. Sometimes I help answer the phone when I volunteer at the hospital; usually the person on the other end of the line is calling for a report on a patient. They rattle off their name, their department, the patient’s name, and the doctor’s name, and on average, all I remember is the patient and doctor name. Sometimes a call comes in for a patient needing a bed, in which I’m given the patient’s name, the doctor’s name, and the type of surgery. When put the person on hold and notify one of the nurses, usually they ask for at least one of the other details that I’ve already forgotten. Then they end up getting on the line themselves and asking what the person needs. Uhhh, needless to say, I feel useless at those times. As for lateness, I leave for class with just barely enough time to spare. For church, I’m often a few minutes late. With volunteering, I’ve consistently been 15-20 minutes late, with maybe a 5 minute variance. However, I make sure I stay for the four hours I’ve committed to volunteering. Sometimes I forget to pay bills on time, especially if the due date is more towards the middle of the month, rather than the beginning or end. Rent, bills, assignments, exams — I’ve started utilizing my phone more for giving me reminders, but if they’re not in there, they end up being late, or I remember in a panic close to the deadline and end up scrambling to get things done on time. I have a daily planner, but at best, I look at it once a week, which is on Fridays when I know there’ll be periods of doing nothing and can take the time to plan it out. I might place the planner on my desk to check during the rest of the weekend, but by the time Monday rolls around, it’s usually buried under papers.
5. Restless/fidgety: I’ve always had a tendency to bounce one or both of my legs at some point in time, whether sitting or standing. I didn’t think this was abnormal, having grown up with it, and I’ve noticed other people fidget about the same amount in my classes. I do prefer to stand rather than sit down, but I’m not sure if that is really related. Hmm, I guess pen/pencil twirling and tapping also counts as fidgeting.
In first or second grade, when we started learning fractions, I looked at the board and got really confused because what I saw was y2 instead 1/2. I have no idea when I learned or realized that y2 was actually 1/2. I guess my point with that is perhaps that I was inattentive even way back then (which would make sense, since adult ADHD diagnosis requires that symptoms be present during childhood). I mean, the only way you could make that kind of mistake is if you weren’t paying attention, right?
Yay, awkward wall-of-text break!
6. Losing things: I still don’t think I really lose things, but I guess if I often misplace important things such as my phone or keys, then that’s not exactly normal. I “lost” a pocket knife over a year ago, and only recently found it hiding in my high school calc binder. I really have no idea how my knife ended up in the calc binder — I got my knife after I had already finished taking calc.
7. Drives too fast (reckless?): Guilty. I speed almost everywhere, except on the roads that I know are closely monitored. I can have a lead foot at times, reaching up to 85 mph before checking my speedometer and realizing how fast I’m really going (not as much of an issue for long trips; cruise control is great). I would say I’ve made reckless decisions while driving, but that, for the most part, I’m a defensive driver.
8. Impatient/short tempered/mood swings: I always knew that I had a short temper, but it didn’t occur to me that my lack of anger management was abnormal. I didn’t really see myself as impatient, but when I think about it, there have been many times where I grew impatient because someone was explaining something I already knew, people didn’t fulfill my (high) expectations, or I was asked to repeat myself. As for mood swings, they’re generally from happy or content to super pissed. Rarely is it the other way around. I can remember a couple of times when I’ve gone from content to depressed. I hate driving during the day because I get so impatient with other drivers. A blinker before you start breaking would be nice! Or if I drive on the shoulder to let you pass me on a two-lane road, how ’bout a flash of your hazard lights to show your appreciation? If you think a wave of your hand will suffice, then maybe you’ve forgotten how tinted your windows are. And why the heck are we slowing down to 20 mph on the highway if there’s no car wreck or construction to avoid? Uhh, so yeahh, my temper has many opportunities to flare when I drive.
9. Impulsiveness: Again, I haven’t really seen myself as a particularly impulsive person, but purchases I’ve made, such as my DS, PSP, Kindle Fire, PS2, teeth whitening gel, Steam games, a sports video camera, navel ring, dog toys, cat toys, my cat Jager, things for knitting and crocheting (that I haven’t touched in months), a Fossil watch, cheap jewelry, a new laundry basket (when the only thing wrong with the old one was that the cat peed on it and I was too lazy to wash it more than once), the Samsung Captivate, pillows — these are all things that I don’t need. Even though I hesitated for some of these things, I was quick to somehow justify the purchase and unable to exercise self control. Even when I go to the store for groceries, I often leave with some item that I don’t need (snacks, a discounted movie, makeup, hair dye, vitamins and supplements I never take). This one’s more of a stretch, but before college even started, I made the dumb decision to take out a student loan that I didn’t need (and I just accepted the loan money in total, rather than only taking “what I needed”) because I had this stupid notion that I’d be able to easily pay it off and use it to build up my credit score. And you know what? It’s only hurt it so far, because for some reason the loan company had my graduation date wrong and had started sending bills sometime during my sophomore year, as well as calling my phone and leaving (automated) voicemails. And instead of calling them straightaway and figuring out what was going on, I let this continue until they sent me a notice saying I had to pay in full by a certain date! And even then I procrastinated. As a result, my credit report has a potentially negative thing on it from me ignoring it and missing payments. What makes me feel even worse is that a majority of what I bought was purchased with my parents’ hard-earned money — money that they gave to me to pay for rent, bills, and food, and here I am just squandering it away. And I can’t stop myself from making those impulsive purchases even though I have all this guilt. So much guilt that I’ve made myself cry.
10. Low self-esteem: I’ve actually only seen this one listed on the webMD ADHD page, but it fits in nicely with my last point. I know that I do care what strangers think of me, even though I know I’ll most likely never see a majority of them again. I tend to take criticism very personally; even if it’s said in a neutral tone or meant to be constructive, my mind interprets it as something against which I need to defend myself. Which may then lead into my anger management issues. If I text or message someone and they don’t reply, I’m prone to feeling ignored or forgotten, even if I’m aware that the person has a busy schedule. I’ll mull over an argument or disagreement for days — wondering if my words were interpreted differently than what I had meant, if I should bring it up again, what exactly the other person meant –even when the other party has long since let the issue go. I try to deal with my problems on my own and hesitate to ask friends for help/advice (in both academics and personal matters) because feel like I would just be a bother or a burden. I’m always afraid that I’ll lose contact with my friends after graduating college, and since it’s so hard for me to make friends to begin with . . . well, that would be a very difficult thing to come to terms with.
You know, it’s taken me a long time to get to this point. Questioning whether these things were normal, or if they were bad enough to seek professional help. I was lost as to how to time manage, study effectively, and motivate myself to study from day one of college. Actually, even before then, but my pre-college education didn’t require so much effort. At first I thought it was just something that I had to learn — use a planner, study in chunks, study material as it’s presented, not the night before the exam — but as the years flew by, I just couldn’t get the hang of it. I could focus on one demanding class and do well in it, but doing that drained me of any effort that I needed to focus and study my for other demanding classes. Or I could focus on all the easier classes and do well in them, but in exchange I’d barely scrape by with a passing for the challenging classes. Eventually I subconsciously felt that this was the way things were with me. Studying in chunks didn’t help — half of my study chunk was spent doing random things, most of the time. I’d take a break, but not return to studying when my break was over. If I tried to motivate myself by saying that I could read a manga chapter or watch an anime episode, I’d break down halfway through and watch or read without finishing my task. Or even if I did finish my task, I’d get enveloped in reading the manga or watching the anime, and then it would be hours before I finally managed to tear myself away. “Well, it sounds like you just lack self-discipline, Praxis.” Maybe so. But even if I study in a place without those distractions, I get sidetracked by my own thoughts. If I take notes in a class, I’ll start doodling and then focus on my doodle. If I don’t doodle, and there’s a lull in the lecture, then my mind is gone. Even when I’m actively writing down notes, my mind can still wander. I’ll focus on the lecture for a few seconds, maybe even a minute, but then 5 minutes later I’ll realize that I’m not listening anymore, and haven’t been for a while.
Joe and Chandler had the right idea. Also, I have no idea what that blur near my right wrist is from.
I feel like it could be compared to resisting a flood. You can grab a tree, fence-post, lamp, street light — anything you can get a grip on — but it’s only a matter of time before you’re swept away by the torrent. Eventually, you get tired, fatigued, to the point where you just don’t care anymore, and hope that it’ll be over soon. I kinda feel like I’m floundering on the edge of a cliff, about to be washed into the ocean by the flood. I found a decent handhold when I went to the campus counseling center, but my grip seems to have slipped. A month ago, I told my parents that I thought I may have ADHD, and they supported me without hesitation or ridicule. My mom was hesitant to think I had ADHD since I had excellent grades prior to college, but did not criticize or question my decision. That took a lot of stress off of my mind, allowed me to get another grip on something solid and sturdy. And now I’ve been submerged by another wave of . . . despair? Yes, I think that word fits well here. Like I said in the video, I’m down to 25 mg of Adderall. Even though it hasn’t yet allowed me to focus and prioritize better, I realize that my body is still adjusting to the medication, and that because I’m a female, the effect of the Adderall might be affected by hormones/hormonal changes. Knowing that I won’t have anything more to take after tomorrow worries me because I haven’t consistently taken the prescription, nor have I found a dosage that has helped. And now I’m stuck with nothing, pretty much doing nothing in way of finding a solution to my problem, and I have to wait. To wait until my follow-up appointment comes around, and then most likely have to experiment more with dosages. And by then the semester is pretty much over and I’ll have made no discernible progress. I’m lost. How am I supposed to solve this problem in time for me to study and do well on the MCAT, while also juggling classes, writing my personal statement, finding people to write letters of rec, shadowing, starting med school apps, and figuring out plans and a living situation for the next year? What if I’m not able to pull it together and just burn out? I don’t think my situation is extreme enough to explain all of that away if an interviewer questions me about it.
At the end of my vlog, I said that didn’t want to use ADHD as an excuse for my deficits. After crying and slaving over this post all day and night, I think I’ve convinced myself that me having ADHD is rather likely. Or depression. What’s kind of stupid is that the Adderall has kept me awake for about 36 hours and decreased my appetite so much that I haven’t eaten a real meal since Friday (though I’m sure my gluttony on Thursday has helped in keeping my body from complaining). Seeing as a healthy diet, good night’s sleep, and regular exercise are essential in maintaining good health for normal people, the same goes for people suffering from a disorder. I know I can’t depend on medication alone, but the medication is supposed to help me establish healthier habits. With the way things are going, it’s going to be a long, uphill battle. I’m not one to ask for help. I’m also not one to divulge my problems and worries to others. I’m the kind of person to hold it in and hide it from the world, until the mass of problems and worries have grown so much that they overwhelm me. I guess that’s kind of what happened in this post. But I’m laying them out here, rather than trying to scoop them up and hide them away again. And I guess that this is my way of asking for help. To those of you who know me personally, I have (perhaps for the first time) willingly bared a portion of my inner self for you to judge, pity, condemn, and what have you. Errmahgerrd, this is getting dramatic.
I’m sure that you’ve been able to pick up on some of these things already, but here they are from my viewpoint. I’ll appreciate anything you can give me. Ahh, but don’t worry about finding words of solace or wisdom if they won’t come to you naturally. Your acknowledgment and encouragement is perfectly fine too. So here I am, with a massive post that took a lot of time and effort to make. Sort of like a baby? It’s 11:00 pm, and I still haven’t finished studying the bio lab review, I haven’t written anything for the paper due on Tuesday, nor have I revised the paper due Wednesday or studied for Wednesdays exam. Maybe writing this post wasn’t the best use of my time, considering all of the assignments that are due soon, but I feel like this was something that was necessary for my mental well-being. I guess, in a way, I confronted myself here and became a little bit closer to accepting myself as well. I realize this entry is pretty odd. A 25 minute vlog (nearing 50 if you watch the secret vlog), followed by an uber long and serious blog that is punctuated by not-so-serious images. In retrospect, the blog totally stole the vlog’s thunder. Or at least completely overshadowed the vlog. What I lack in quantity, I make up for with quality? No? You don’t think so? Fusk.
Author’s note (26 Nov, 2:35 AM):Now, I realize that a much of what I wrote is either melodramatic (floundering on the edge of a cliff?), depressive, or maybe even self-deprecating, but that’s how I felt at the time. And, I guess some of those thoughts are always lingering in the back of my mind. You could say that this is what I’m like when I am feeling particularly low. I cycle between guilt and twisted humor. I’m sure the sleep deprivation amplified the intensity with which I experienced those two sides. As much as I want to go back and heavily edit and revise this post (and just take out that vlog, holy crap), I will leave it the way it is. This post was a good experience, and maybe someday the future me will learn something about herself that she had forgotten or denied (probably my foolishness/naivety). If this post ends up helping anyone else, then I would consider it a fair sacrifice. Some of my pride for someone else’s well-being.I would also like to note that my intention in writing this blog was not to focus on ADHD or my personal issues. My plan was to elaborate on the topics I skimmed over in the vlog, insert the images, and write a short blurb on what my mind/attention does when I’m sitting in a lecture or attempting to study at home. Everything else you read forced itself out while I was wallowing in my guilt and self-pity. I really had intended for this post to be more light-hearted (as you can see by the images) and impersonal (like my normal posts)! Just be glad that it makes any sense at all, since I wrote this blog in sections and alternated randomly among them as things/ideas popped in my head.
My first plate of food. I don’t know what I was thinking, either.
Today was pretty chill. We got to sleep in until 10:30 or so if we wanted, brunch scheduled for 10:45. I ended up waking at around 8 or 8:30 and not falling back asleep, so I wasted time on the internet, for the most part. Probably writing the blog that I had post-dated as being submitted Monday (since it was Tuesday here). The restaurant we ate at was another chain of the buffet place we had gone to last night, but apparently the nicest one out of the chains. It certainly seemed nicer. The first 30 minutes after arriving was spent being introduced to Theresa’s relatives and waiting for more to arrive. I think we had maybe 15-20 people total once everyone arrived.
We probably started eating around 11 or 11:15, but we didn’t leave until 1:30 or so because the adults were enjoying their conversation too much. The food served was the same, for the most part, but the company was completely different. This time, we had a relative named Andy sit in our area of the table and talked to him the whole time. This guy was much better than last night’s egotistical maniac. He likes playing video games and said that he’s played a video game for pretty much 3 days straight without doing anything else but eating and crashing. He was also more humble and didn’t dominate the conversation — more our type of company. He even gave us the names of some good places to eat, but we ended up not going to them.
What my first plate looked like after I ate all the stuff on top. A majority of it was sushi.
After the first plate of various foods, I stuck to what I liked. The sushi, unfortunately, was not that appetizing. I really liked the fries and was surprised to see them in the first place. I liked the seasoning, and they were really crunchy, but it was weird because they were kinda hollow on the inside. I wasn’t very hungry after my first plate of food due to all the sushi.
I think I visited the buffet maybe 2 more times, the last being my dessert stop. They had ice cream and a chocolate fondue fountain to top ice cream with melted chocolate. I found it to look better than it tasted, but the ice cream was definitely one of the better desserts.
I think one of my favorite things was the freshly grilled pineapple — we’ve also had quite a few dishes that have pineapple in them, and I’ve taken a great liking to them.
The exfoliating coffee ground scrub felt good and smelled amazing.
After we finished eating, the adults decided to sit and talk and enjoy themselves, so we actually didn’t get back to the hotel until around 2. Theresa and Evan decided to walk around the old quarter by themselves, while Quan and I took naps. At around 6:30, Theresa and Evan got back; after that, Theresa and I went to a spa to get mani/pedis.
Since this was my first time getting a mani/pedi, it took me a while to decide on what I wanted. The fact that the receptionist kept trying to up-sell us stuff didn’t help, either. Eventually, I settled on the spa pedicure with a complimentary French pedicure for my feet, and then a manicure with nail art for my hands. Theresa also got a spa pedicure, but got nail art on her feet and then a French manicure for her hands. Altogether, my stuff was about 440,000, which translates to $22 US dollars.
The spa pedicure began with a cinnamon-water foot soak followed by coffee grounds exfoliating scrub. Afterwards, my legs (up to the knee) and feet were massaged for about 10-15 minutes. Unfortunately, I hadn’t shaved my legs for a few days, so my masseuse was surprised when she started on my legs, followed up by a suggestion that I get my legs waxed. I’m not too averse to trying out a waxing, but I felt like I’d already spent a good amount of money on myself, and we didn’t have time for that (we told Quan and Evan that we’d come back for dinner at 8).
My fancy nail art. It only cost 90k ($4.50) for all my nails. Painting the designs only took the manicurist 5-10 minutes to complete.
Throughout our appointment, we had one woman doing both mine and Theresa’s hands, and one person each doing our feet. They talked to each other in Vietnamese (which is apparently exactly what they do in the US) and occasionally tried talking to us. Only the receptionist new English really well, so we weren’t able to really converse with them. Most of the time, we just talked to each other. What surprised me is that sometimes our manicurist would respond to something the others said in a really soft-spoken (kind of muttering) way, but from what I remember, the others were able to hear her just fine. I was sitting maybe two feet away and with her facing me and could only barely hear her, so I was definitely impressed.
By the time we were both done and all our nails were dry, it was approximately 8:15, so as soon as we paid, we high-tailed it back to the hotel to pick up the boys for dinner. The first place we tried was the night market, which I had been to last year. It was different from what I remembered — when I went, the streets were blocked off from traffic and merchandise tents were lined up along both the sides and the center of the streets. This time, only the sides of the streets were occupied by merchandise tents, and I assume that they only block off the streets for the weekends. In any case, once we saw that the food tents only had hot pot (it’s crazy how people will eat it in the heat of summer), we decided to go to Legend Beer.
Evan ordered a liter (I don’t remember what kind of beer he ordered), Theresa and Quan both got a half liter of the blonde beer, and I got a puny 300 ml.
Legend Beer is both a bar and and restaurant and was located only 5-10 minutes away from our hotel (on foot). We’d seen quite a few people drinking/eating there when driving past in taxis during other times of the day, so we figured it was probably a pretty good place. I don’t know about the others, but I was definitely disappointed. Theresa and I each ordered a plate of mi xao bo (stir fried noodles with beef), Quan ordered a plate of fried rice, and Evan got an appetizer plate of egg rolls (that ended up being the most expensive item!). The portions were nice, but the taste left something to be desired. Don’t even get me started on the beer. I don’t know what they put in that stuff, but it tasted pretty crappy. I didn’t even finish my 300 ml.
After that huge disappointment, we decided to hunt for a bar to hang out at. The taxi driver first took us to this place that was on a boat, but it was too dark for us to see the boat, so we played it safe and asked him to take us elsewhere. I think it also helped once he found out that we just wanted to drink beer, not dance. He was kinda confused though, since most bars in Vietnam are part of restaurants. It was also around 11 PM by that time, and most restaurants were closed or closing. In spite of all that, our amazing taxi driver found us a small pub near the night market area.
This sign was sitting on a table in the pub . . . we were somewhat worried that someone would offer us pot.
When we first walked in, the place was blaring some alternative rock music. We could barely hear each other over the music, and I was surprised because you couldn’t hear the music from the street. Once we got our beers, we quickly headed outside and took over the two tables located by the door. Although it was hot, smelled like pee, and we got sticky from the humidity, we all agreed that this was better than sitting inside and not even being able to hear yourself think. We broke out our Phase 10 card game and sat outside until one of the employees called us inside, saying something about how the police would be patrolling soon and we couldn’t be outside drinking beer. Luckily, they turned down the music once we said that it was too loud, and they also let us have the small upstairs area (it had been occupied when we first got there).
Now, I’m 5’3″ (or just shy of it) and even I couldn’t stand up straight in the upstairs area. So imagine how much trouble Quan and Evan had (especially Evan, who stands at a gigantic 6′ even). Of course, that was only a problem whenever we had to get up to use the restroom, which I thankfully only had to use once. I’m not sure exactly how long our phase 10 game took, but by the time we had finished, it was 2 AM and we were the only ones left in the pub. I’m pleased with the place we found; they had Ha Noi beer (which tasted infinitely better than whatever it was they made at Legend Beer) and some interestingly chill pot music. I also drank my two beers slowly enough to where I didn’t get all swollen and itchy from the alcohol.
Theresa barely clears the ceiling, and I think I’m an inch or two too tall, shockingly enough.
So here I am with another post-dated blog entry and a day behind (or is it two now)? Hopefully I can knock out yesterday and today (Wednesday and Thursday) in the next post, especially since Wednesday was mostly spent stuck in the van (again). Luckily, it’s the last long drive we have. I can’t believe we’re leaving Monday evening!
Okay, so by the time we landed in Hanoi, it was around 8, and we got out of the airport around 8:30 PM. The ride to our hotel took a whole hour! However, the hotel was pretty nice and was named May de Ville. I had the beginning of the Cruella deVille song stuck in my head for the rest of the night.
The next day, I got up semi-early (I usually get up later than the rest of my group — I love my sleep) and went to eat breakfast around 8:50 or so. Our van was supposed to take us to the silk and pottery districts at 9, but there was an issue with the van and we didn’t end up leaving until around 10 or so. That was perfectly fine with me, since the TV in the dining area had The Incredibles playing. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to stay long enough to watch the end.
So many silky-soft fabrics!
The first place we visited was the silk district, but we really only went to one store/factory. The store itself was somewhat small, as is the style in Vietnam, but they had tons of fabrics (lots of soft silky fabrics!) and garments made of silk. We went to the back of the store and out to a house-looking area, where we saw looms in the process of making silk fabrics of various patterns. When we went further back into the “house”, we saw where they took smaller strands of silk and wove them into a thicker strand. This operation was definitely bigger than the area that we saw in Hoi Anh, though we didn’t explore as much there and may have missed the room.
I don’t know what the inspiration for these were, but they’re really creepy looking!
After we finished touring the silk store, we got back in the van and headed to the ceramics district. I must’ve been pretty tired because I fell asleep on the way to both places. When we got to the ceramics district, we stopped at a store (mainly for a potty break), but I managed to find some interesting baubles. I probably would’ve bought more (everything’s so cheap!), but I didn’t for fear of them breaking while traveling.
After we finished at that store, we decided to walk around and look at other stores while we waited for the lunch break to be over (so that we could then go to the ceramics factory). Almost immediately (the place was right across the street from where we were), we were called over to a little pottery workshop place that lets you play with the clay for 10,000 (50 cents), and if you want to keep what you make, it’s only 30,000 total ($1.50). Theresa and I thought it would be pretty fun and sat down right away. I guess pottery isn’t really Evan’s and Quan’s thing because they sat out. So I recruited Quan into taking pictures of me playing around with the clay.
This was taken early on in my session, and I think I must’ve sat there for about 30 minutes to an hour just playing with the clay.
Since I’ve never taken a pottery class, I had absolutely no idea as to what I was doing. The turntables were also turned by hand (my arm and shoulder were sore the next day), and Theresa and I felt that we couldn’t turn ours fast enough. (Later I was told that I was turning mine too fast). Eventually, Theresa’s dad decided to jump in on her turntable and show her how things are done, but that quickly went awry. The lady who was supposed to give us tips kept just making things for us, rather than telling us how to mold the clay. Eventually, a guy came around and showed us the correct way to place your hand and with the correct pressure. Theresa wanted to know if one could make a wineglass, so her dad asked the guy if he could show us. He ended up making a small goblet within a minute and fifteen seconds, and Theresa liked it so much, she ended up having them set it in the “oven” so she could paint it and take it home later.
This is the guy who actually taught us how to mold the clay. You could tell he liked making pottery.
Eventually, Evan and Quan got hungry, so they went with Theresa’s mom to scout for a place to eat while Theresa went to paint the first thing that had been made for her (a small cup with the rim shaped like a heart) and I kept playing with my clay. I messed up a bunch of times (I kept trying to make something tall, like a vase), but the masters made sure to replace my failure and start me off with a new cup to expand on. I finally started to get the hang of it and shaped mine into a shallow bowl. I would’ve kept trying to make it taller, but the teacher stopped me, and I think he said that the walls would be too thin if I kept doing that. He told me some other things, such as the time frame it takes for someone to progress from making cups and bowls to things like vases, but I’m not 100% sure due to my poor Vietnamese vocabulary. He put that bowl (which he perfected) and a vase that I asked him to make into the kiln/oven, after which I watched Theresa paint while I waited for them to dry.
The beautiful scenes on vases like these are hand painted! It’s amazing since they have such detail in them.
By the time my objects finally dried, Theresa was pretty much done painting both of her things. Quan, Evan, and Theresa’s mom came back while I was still painting my bowl (which had finished drying first), and since I was painting abstract art on my stuff, we knew that painting the vase would take a while. So I opted to stay and paint while the rest of them went to the ceramics factory to take a self-guided tour. Aside from the heat and the small stool, I really enjoyed being able to just sit and paint by myself. Being an introvert, I appreciate my alone time, and it’s hard to find alone time when you’re vacationing with your family.
I eventually finished painting my pottery, but the spray glaze took time to dry also, so I walked around the area while I waited for that and for my family to return. About 50 feet away or so was a ceramics market kind of place, so I browsed around there. There were a lot of interesting things, but as I said before, I didn’t want to get too many breakables, so I left empty-handed. By the time I had finished browsing, my stuff had apparently finished drying, so one of the people wrapped and bagged my stuff, leaving me with nothing to do but wait for the van to come back with my family. It’s a good thing I figured out how to unlock my phone, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to text my aunt and let her know that our stuff was done, and who knows how long I would’ve had to wait. I think they were probably already done, anyway, but regardless, it’s nice to be able to have a means of communicating with your party when you are separated from them.
After that, we went back to the hotel and relaxed a little before going to eat dinner. We ate at a place called Quan Ngon, which means “Tasty Restaurant” when roughly translated. Compared to the Quan Ngon we had eaten at in Saigon, this one was kinda disappointing. The soup didn’t seem as tasty, and they had less dessert options.The service was nice, though, and we had at least one waiter standing by our table the whole night. (Apparently the owner had told him to stay at our table).
My .3 liter of Pragold’s blond beer. Not many Viet people drink beer in restaurants — they tend to take shots, such as the table that we sat next to. They got pretty rowdy.
After the filling meal, Theresa, Evan, Quan, and I went to this place called Pragold to relax and drink beer before we went back to the hotel to sleep. The beer tasted pretty good, though it wasn’t a light beer, and was a little stronger than what I’m used to. One thing I’ve noticed is that I can only drink beer on its own; I can’t drink beer as a beverage when eating a meal — I just don’t like mixing the tastes that way. Quan was kinda reluctant to drink, having thrown up after imbibing too much during our fresh seafood dinner in Nha Trang. However, once he saw that I was going to drink, he decided that he had to drink too. We both got .3 liters, while Theresa and Evan both ordered 1 liters for themselves. Quan accidentally ordered a second .3 liter, but decided that it was too much after one sip, so I ended up drinking half of it. By the time I drank half, he managed to feel well enough to drink the other, though it was definitely more than he had wanted.
The ridiculously hot and sticky outfits we had to wear. I’ve never even seen those hats before. Apparently, this was a first for Theresa too.
The next morning we left at around 7 or 7:30 to go to Nghe An in order to visit the family shrines on Theresa’s mom’s side of the family. We stopped in a small town on the way in order to visit the small shrine in the country so we could get it out of the way and only have to visit one shrine the next day. I don’t know why, but it seems soooo much hotter in the north than in the south. Just standing outside was enough to make me sweat rather profusely, and since we had stopped at the shrine in the afternoon, we had to stand around after the earth had absorbed heat for most of the day. We also had to wear some traditional dress, and having to wear extra layers was definitely not fun. (One interesting thing is that the old Vietnamese language was written in a similar way to Chinese — with symbols, rather than roman letters. We saw this style of writing at the shrines.) After paying our respects to Theresa’s ancestors, we went to someone’s house. Apparently, this person had driven them around Nghe An or something the last time Theresa’s family had visited. His house was huge — 3 stories — and had leather furniture and a big flat screen (though probably an older model). I don’t remember exactly what he does, but apparently he has houses in other countries because he travels a lot for his business. After visiting him, we were finally allowed to go to our hotel and rest up for an hour or so before going to dinner with some of Theresa’s relatives. I don’t remember what the place was called, but the food was decent, and the room was kept fairly cool, so all in all, it was enjoyable.
Evan was persuaded into taking a shot of some rice liquor but was afraid of going blind from the possibility of it being home-made (incorrectly).
The next day was for visiting the big shrine. At first, I was reluctant to go. After all the driving and non-stop doing things all the time, I was ready for a break. Besides, it wasn’t my ancestors that we would be visiting. My uncle made it clear that the day was voluntary, but he pointed out that it would be better to go and experience the culture, rather than sitting in the hotel all day. Even so, I was reluctant, but after a night’s sleep, decided that I would go ahead and go. Luckily, the drive was much shorter in comparison to the ride to Nghe An (only about an hour and a half), and once we were done paying respects to the ancestors, it was time for lunch. We soon found out that it was also time to party.
About 50 of the family members had gathered to pay respects at the shrine and then spend time together afterwards. We were warned not to eat anything at the lunch, since this was in a rural area, so we only ate 2 plates of quail eggs. Soon, some of the adults were carrying around bottles of liquor and roped Evan into drinking shots. Being a big man and not unfamiliar to alcohol, his alcohol tolerance is pretty high. In no time, he was taken around to each table so that he could take shots with everyone. Little did he know, he would have to take shots with almost each person, rather than having one shot per table.
Evan taking shots with a group of men. My uncle is the guy on the far right with the glasses.
Eventually, my aunt and uncle stepped in and convinced them to stop talking Evan into drinking shots. They were all disappointed and said “Just one more!”, but “Just one more” is never just one more. The drinking finally died down and Evan was given a plate of citrus fruits to snack on in order to help facilitate the digestion of all the alcohol he just took. One of the more drunk guys (the guy in the center facing the camera) came over to Evan and gave him a big hug. Evan, being jolly and kinda drunk, decided to pick the man up in a bear hug. This was a bad idea because it encouraged the man (who is half Evan’s size) to attempt the same thing, which then led to them both falling over. The other guy seemed fine, but I think it was more the alcohol preventing him from really feeling anything.
Point of the story is, I’m glad I went with them, and after seeing everyone have so much fun (they started drinking at like, 11:30!), the drive seemed worth the trouble. Evan kept saying he never wanted to leave the place because he was having so much fun with the people there. My aunt commented that she thinks the Vietnamese are the most fun people out of Asians.
Once we got back to Nghe An (the reunion was in Vinh), we went to have some much needed lunch at a street vendor place across from our hotel. We were so starved that everyone had two bowls of soup (most of us had mien ngan, which is mung bean noodles with goose, I think). Afterwards, Theresa and I took a look at the shoe store next to our hotel, while the rest of them went straight back and took a nap. I found a pair of small high heel, close toed, close heeled shoes to wear with my new ao dai. (I made my pants a little long to wear with high heels, but didn’t bring any high heels with me on the trip, and we’re supposed to wear our ao dais later this week.) When I got back to the hotel, instead of napping, I read on my Kindle.
The hotel had a pretty fountain in front of it, though the water kinda sprayed all over the place.
After everyone had rested enough, we went to Theresa’s parents’ room to pray. Due to the morning’s activities, we had missed the Sunday mass, so we prayed a rosary and read the day’s readings. Once we finished praying, we decided to go eat at the same place we had eaten dinner the night before. When we got back to the hotel, we found a lobby full of Vietnamese, teeny-bopper, high school students on some kind of school vacation. They were pretty loud and were crowding in front of the elevators, so Quan and I decided to take the stairs. Evan and Theresa opted for the elevators. I dunno about Quan, but I was pretty winded by the time we got to the 6th floor.
The next morning, we left around 8:30 to go back to Hanoi. However, we stopped by Theresa’s oldest relative in the city before leaving (it’s a tradition kind of thing). By the time we were done with our visit, it was probably around 9:30 or 10.
One of the pictures I took of the mountain scenery on the way back to Hanoi from Nghe An.
Although the van we had this time was pretty uncomfortable, I somehow conked out soon enough and didn’t wake up unless we stopped for gas or lunch. We took a different route, since the way we drove when heading to Nghe An had tons of construction along it. This time, we went through the mountains, and though it was a little longer, it probably ended up taking less time.
We got to our hotel around 5:30 — another May de Ville, the sister hotel of the one we had stayed at the last time we were in Hanoi — and had a period of rest before we went to eat dinner with some more family around 7. We went to a fancy buffet restaurant and ended up sitting with one of Theresa’s relatives around our age. He spoke English and has studied in the US, but was really full of it and dominated the conversation the whole night. He also drove us back to our hotel in his new, beat-up Lexus and invited us to go clubbing with him the tomorrow night, but seeing as he’s really egotistical, we’re probably going to find some excuse to not go with him.
Apparently this is how they transport liquor in Vietnam. A nearby table was taking shots when we stopped for lunch on the way to Hanoi.
AND NOW I’M FINALLY CAUGHT UP. Geez, blogging is so much work. I can’t believe some people do this every day. I’d do some vlogging here, but I’m uncomfortable with vlogging in front of my cousins and don’t get much time to myself.
I’ll try to post every day now, since we do stuff pretty much every day, and if you haven’t been mousing over my pictures, you should. I usually have some alt text in addition to the shown description.
I could get used to waking up to a view like this.
So let’s try this again, shall we? I left off at arriving in Nha Trang. The next day was spent at a resort on a nearby island called VinPearl. We reached the island by gondola, allowing for some absolutely stunning views. The first place we went to was the beach. The water was cool and clear, the sand was white and clean. You could swim out to the buoy that separated the beach from the rest of the ocean, and still see your feet! Of course, maybe it was easier for me because I’m kinda short. But even the 6 foot tall white guy (Evan) could see his feet, though maybe with less definition than I could. Regardless, the beach was super nice. We went to a few of the waterpark area rides, but found only a few worth riding.
For lunch, we ate at a fast-food kind of place that mainly had American-type food. I got a hot dog, and some of the other menu items included a burger, fish sticks, chicken strips, and fried chicken. The fish sticks and chicken strips looked pretty similar to me. In any case, the food was less than satisfactory, a poor imitation of the fatty, savory versions that we get in the US. After we finished lunch, we went to the small aquarium at the VinPearl resort. It was pretty neat (yeah, I just said “neat”) because a majority of the place was a huge tank with underwater tunnels. Another thing that was really nice was the conveyor belt that went through the tunnel, so all you had to do was stand there and take it in.
After the aquarium, we split up. Theresa and Evan went back to the beach, while Quan and I decided to explore the carnival/amusement park side of the resort. Standing in line was pretty frustrating, mainly because people don’t have the same view of lines as we do in the US. A line means nothing, and a majority of Vietnamese will just shove their way in front of you without any hesitation. It’s a common occurrence, so it’s pretty pointless to get upset, and the only thing you can really do is cut back in front of them. Another interesting thing is how flustered people get from the rides they have here. Anyone who’s been to a Six Flags will probably think the rides are pretty lame, suited more towards children than adults, but all the Vietnamese people hang on to the rides for dear life, and since many do not ride in cars often, it’s not uncommon for people to get motion sickness. We went on one of those rocking ship rides (a glorified see-saw), and each row had a stash of vomit bags. People also don’t stick their hands in the air, though Quan and I tried to get others to.
We left the resort around 16:30 (4:30 PM) in order to attend mass. We got there kinda late and had to sit outside on little plastic stools. There was a huge stack of them, so I’m assuming that there’s never enough room inside the church. This probably turned out for the best, as the church/cathedral didn’t have any A/C (just fans) and was probably pretty stuffy inside. In Vietnam, the mass is still a little old fashioned, in the way where women sit on one side and men sit on the other. In the US, after saying the Our Father in preparation to receive the Eucharist, everyone shakes hands with each other and says, “Peace be with you.” In Vietnam, no one shakes hands with each other. The way that Theresa’s mom put it, it has something to do with them viewing bodily contact as inviting sin or something, which is also the reason for the segregated seating. In any case, it was kinda awkward when we were the only ones shaking hands with each other, on top of the fact that we had a white guy with us.
The dinner we had that night involved lots of fresh seafood. We were able to pick out what seafood we wanted (freshly caught), and then they cooked the seafood and served it to us at our table. I can’t remember all of what we got, but I know we had grilled squid, which was absolutely delicious. I’m sure my cousin, Theresa, has lots of pictures and more descriptions as to what we had that night.
The next morning, we drove to Hoi Anh, which is apparently the first city that Westerners came to do business at. The drive took the whole day — we left around 7:30 and didn’t arrive until 8 PM. After having been stuck in the van for 10 hours about two days prior, we were understandably cranky and tired by the time we finally arrived in Hoi Anh. The next day was spent walking around an older part of the city, looking at all the shops that line the streets. Theresa and I found a clothing store early on in the morning that could make custom clothes for us, but we walked around more before circling around and spending 3 or so hours picking out styles and fabrics and then getting measured for our clothes. Theresa chose to get 4 dresses made, while I went with variety, choosing a blouse, dress, dress pants, and romper to be made for me (all of which only cost me $70). Once we were finished getting measured, we were told to return around 7 PM to try on our clothes, which would allow them time to make final adjustments for us. In the meantime, we decided to grab some lunch.
The place we had lunch at is apparently pretty famous. The sign for it said that it was mentioned in Lonely Planet, and when we arrived, we saw a table full of foreigners. The restaurant had a set menu, which involved fresh greens and grilled meat being rolled up in rice paper and then dipped into some mysterious but delicious sauce. Later on in the meal, we added banh xeo to the mix. All in all, it was a satisfying and enjoyable meal, especially since the owner of the place took a liking to my uncle and stood by the table practically the entire meal, rolling the food for us so that all we had to do was eat. In addition to that, she heard from my aunt and uncle that Theresa and I planned on visiting a spa sometime in the afternoon. Luckily, her sister (or maybe it was sister-in-law?) happened to own a spa, and she took it upon herself to get a reservation for us around 4 in the afternoon. On top of that, she walked us to another clothing store so that Evan, Quan, and my uncle could get clothes made for them.
Silk worm cocoons, after the worms have already transformed and vacated.
Once we chose the fabrics and got the boys measured for their clothes, my aunt and uncle took us to the silk district where silk is made. The place even had a poster of the cycle of silk worms. Luckily, no worms are harmed in the process of harvesting the silk, as the silk is harvested from the outside of the cocoons. What I found to be the most interesting was watching one of the workers unravel silk fibers from a handful of cocoons in order to make a single strand of silk.
Silk being unspun from silk worm cocoons.
After we took our self-guided tour of the small workshop, Theresa and I had ourselves dropped off at the spa. We also managed to talk Quan into joining us, as long as his masseuse was female. The place looked really nice and legit, having actual doors to the spa, in addition to a very clean and well decorated interior. We were promptly greeted and given an herbal foot soak as we waited to be taken back for our massages. Theresa choice a Swedish massage, Quan a back, shoulders, and head massage, and I opted for an Asian blend massage (which is probably the same as the Swedish massage, but with more pressure applied). Quan was taken back first, and then Theresa and I were led to a room to change into robes. It was a little awkward due to a lack of changing stalls, but Theresa and I managed to work out a solution that allowed for privacy.
After we finished changing, we were led upstairs to a room with 3 beds, one of which was already occupied. Had we known that Quan, Theresa, and I would all end up in the same room, we would have requested private rooms at the beginning. Luckily, Quan’s massage was shorter, and having begun first, he was already halfway through his massage by the time Theresa and I got there. Initially, this situation was also awkward, but I soon forgot about the issue once my massage began.
This being the first time I’ve ever gotten a professional massage, I was kinda nervous. Others have tried to give me massages before, but I’m so ticklish that it never lasts for very long. I didn’t want to burst out laughing in the middle of my massage, especially since my two cousins were in the same room, and sudden laughter would’ve ruined the relaxed mood. Luckily, I didn’t get tickled much at all, and the few times I did get tickled, I was able to meditate enough to where I kept myself from laughing out loud. My massage was super relaxing and very enjoyable, except for the part where I had a runny nose and had runny mucus or whatever dripping from my nose every now and again while I was face-down on the table. Theresa and I had been hoping to get a manicure/pedicure after our massage was finished, but our ride arrived all too soon, forcing us to leave just as we sat down in the mani/pedi chairs.
We returned to the clothing store where Theresa and I had our clothes made. Luckily for me, everything fit perfectly, and the only adjustments I made were to the length of two of my garments. Theresa, on the other hand, had to get adjustments to all her clothing, and some didn’t turn out the way she had imagined. The owner of the shop took her to a seamstress in order to get more direction on how to fix one of her dresses (since they only knew how to do simple fixes, such as length, and their seamstress had gone home for the day), and while she was gone doing that, the rest of us (Evan, Quan, me, my aunt, and my uncle) went to the other store (Ha Ly) in order for the boys to try on their clothes.
Quan trying on his snazzy suit.
Sometimes, I think I probably should’ve been a boy. While watching Quan try on his suit, I was overcome with mix of emotions, one of which was jealousy. It seems so much easier for boys to get dressy clothes made for them! Slacks, a button-up, and a jacket, and they’re done, whereas girls have to worry about the figure of a dress, the type of fabric, fabric pattern, etc. I dunno, suits are just clean-cut and simple, and geebus, that charcoal cashmere Quan had his pants and jacket made out of is soooo nice. I’m pretty sure I picked that fabric out for his suit, in addition to the red for his button-up. Having been the one who picked out his fabrics, I also felt somewhat like a surrogate mother, or an artist watching a piece of art come together. At times, I felt I was more excited about his suit than he was. And a custom-made suit of cashmere and (most likely) silk for $275 ish? What a sweet deal!
In any case, getting all these clothes for so cheap definitely made the drive worth it, in my opinion. Not to mention the amazing massage.
Some street vendors sold little paper boats that held a candle for people to lower into the river and wish upon.
After the boys finished trying on their respective clothing, we went back and picked Theresa up, along with our clothes (the suits were delivered to our hotel later that evening) and found a place to eat dinner. We found a nice place along the river, and after filling our bellies, we went back to the hotel to sleep. I opted to read on my Kindle before going to sleep, but then ended up reading all night and into the morning, and then crashing in the van on the way to the airport. At 9:30, we flew from Hoi Anh back to Saigon, where we had a day and a half off to recuperate from all the traveling. After landing back in Saigon, we ate lunch, and then everyone took a nap, including me. And then my nap ended up not being a nap, and I slept for almost 12 hours. I didn’t even wake up for dinner!
I spent the day of rest reading. The entire day, pretty much, save for meals. The next morning, Quan, Evan, Theresa, and I went to eat brunch at this place run by someone foreigners refer to as “The Soup Lady”. She has a soup-of-the-day kind of operation going, and unfortunately, the day’s soup was not to my liking. Everyone else found it appetizing, though, and luckily for me, there were spring rolls served before the soup, on which I was able to fill my stomach. The rest of the day was spent packing, until we left for our flight to Hanoi, which took off at 5:30.
At the airport, we got the munchies, so once we got to the waiting area of our terminal, Quan, Theresa, Evan, and I went to get some ice cream. I had some kind of cinnamon ice cream (I think it was cinnamon? Holy crap, I can’t even remember) topped with strawberry syrup. I only know that Theresa got durian-flavored ice cream, which smells absolutely horrible to me. I had to keep my distance from her, otherwise the smell would invade my nostrils and taint the taste of my delicious ice cream. Quan also decided to split the cost of a can of Pringles (cost like $2, which is expensive, even by American standards). If we hadn’t restrained ourselves, I’m sure we would’ve devoured the whole can before we even boarded the plane.
And then I spent the whole flight reading.
And now it’s 2 AM here and I’m tired and kinda hungry and need to get up at like 7 tomorrow morning, so I will end this blog here and continue it again within the next few days.
Where did I leave off last time? Going out and drinking at a roadside bbq place? It’s Friday morning here, as of the start of this blog, which I probably won’t post until Friday night (Friday morning for those of you in the US).
So Thursday, everyone got up around 5:30 again. Quan went off to spend time with an uncle of his on his dad’s side, while Theresa, Evan, and I went to eat breakfast with the rest of the family. I don’t exactly remember what the name of the soup we had was, but I found it to be tasty. We had taken a separate cab from the adults, since they had to help my grandpa down the stairs (the elevator was being repaired), and found that our cab driver knew some English and French. Too bad we didn’t figure this out until we were practically to the restaurant, but hey, it was nice knowing that some cab drivers know a decent amount of English.
Elaborate fountain/garden in the living quarters.
Once we finished eating breakfast, Theresa, Evan, and I went to the Reunification Palace. Originally, we had thought that it had been the residence of Ho Chi Minh, but didn’t figure out that it was someone else’s palace until we had pretty much gone through the entire thing. Unfortunately, my camera battery started dying halfway through our excursion, so I wasn’t able to take as many pictures as I would’ve liked. I guess we subconsciously rushed through it, having spent so much time at the war remnants museum the night before, because we found ourselves back outside of the palace about 1.5 hours later. Clearly, this would be a long day.
Fancy fountain from the front view.
Once we got off of the palace grounds, we went to Cho Ben Thanh (Ben Thanh Market) and browsed for potential souvenirs and gifts to buy at the end of the trip. The number of vendor stalls they have in that place is ridiculous and amazing. And it’s very hot. And humid. Needless to say, we left the market not too long after we had gotten in.
After the market, we walked down some side streets nearby and looked at stuff the vendors were selling. Theresa found a Louis Vuitton knock-off for the sweet, low price of $6 US dollars (120,000 in VN currency). Once we tired of window shopping, we took a break and rested at Blue Cafe, where we had ca phe su da (which is always delicious in VN). The cafe had some really cushy lounge chairs (basically couches) in their cafe area (there was also a restaurant area upstairs) that were super comfy and made me want to take a nap.
Creepy, blocked-off basement tunnel.
Naturally, with all this walking around, we became hungry, so Theresa took us to this Banh Xeo (Vietnamese “pancake”) she had been to during her last visit to Vietnam, and it was delicious. By the time we finished, it was 1 PM. We had an appointment with our distant cousin, Thanh, to go fabric shopping to use for the ao dais that would be made for us while we traveled. Since I’m not a clothes-shopping type of girl, I tired of this quickly, as did Evan and Quan, who decided to tag along with us (to their detriment). The whole language barrier also slowed things up quite a bit, even though we had Theresa’s dad as a translator. Eventually, Theresa and I picked the fabrics we wanted, and then we got the hell out of there.
When we got back to the apartment, everyone split up to recuperate while dinner was being made in the adults’ apartment. I ended up not napping (which I had done every night prior) because I had been trying to figure out how to unlock my phone to use a VN SIM card. This was more trouble than it should have been, but I eventually figured it out this morning. (For the full story, visit The Watchglass). Not taking a nap made me more tired than ever, but I managed to “man up” and tag along with Evan, Theresa, and Quan to Big Man Beer, though I did start nodding off on the cab ride there. This spot was pretty tourist-y and had a good atmosphere, making the night very enjoyable. Evan and Theresa both ordered 1 liter servings of beer (so experienced!), while Quan and I took it slow and easy with .5 liter servings. By the time we got back to the apartments, we were ready to go to sleep, and sleep we did.
I’m unhappy about not being able to nap.
Finally, to this morning. Everyone got up around 6:30 (save for me, who got up at 5:45), giving us ample time to take care of business on the internet and pack our suitcases. At 8:30, we started loading our bags into the van that would take us on a(n) (uncomfortable) 10 hour drive to Nha Trang. I tried to sleep, for the most part, but Theresa can be quite talkative, asking her parents various questions along the drive, and I didn’t sleep as much as I would have liked. The constant jostling from the uneven road didn’t help either. However, this ride was nowhere near as bad as the bus ride to Dac Lac last summer, where you had to sit with luggage under your feet and people sitting in the aisle on little plastic stools.
Beautiful view of a river during the drive from Saigon to Nha Trang.
Fancy schmancy hotel.
When we got to the hotel, we were all blown away. This place is definitely nice. Getting out of the car, I had felt groggy and cranky and was ready to go to sleep right then and there (7 PM). After seeing the hotel, I found myself thinking, “I guess I won’t mind if we end up doing something tonight.” Theresa and I are sharing a room on the 12th floor, with a nice beach view. Unfortunately, it was already dark by the time we arrived, so I won’t be able to show a picture of our view until at least tomorrow.
At 8:30, we ate dinner at a nice restaurant down the street, where I ordered a bowl of soup (my throat was sore, so I think I might be sick), as well as a pasta dish. The soup was 28,000 (About $1.50), so I thought it would be an appetizer-sized serving. I was definitely wrong; I ended up having to take my pasta in a to-go container.
And now, here I am, blogging. It’s almost 12, and definitely time to go to sleep. Another TL;DR post, but maybe I’ll record some videos tomorrow when we go to a resort (we’re going to the amusement park in it), and if the internet permits, I’ll post it here.
I dunno how the heck I’m going to study for my MCAT if I’m going to be this tired all the time.
(Copy pasta’d from cousin’s blog, will add pictures in later.)
I’m not sure what I’ll be posting here, on my personal blog, since my VN trip is being documented on Return to the Motherland 2012. I think I’m going to try to keep from posting about my trip, at least in a passive tone.
I really wish I could see how the blog looks, but unfortunately, blogspot and wordpress are blocked in VN. Luckily, my blog is hosted through a different hosting site, rather than through wordpress, so I’m still able to post and view my personal blog. For the family blog, we have to use blogspot, which allows us to make posts, but not view the blog itself. I dunno. It’s weird.
So far, I’m enjoying this trip much more than last year’s trip. Having rooms for the cousins only, rather than having to share with the adults makes things more relaxed and enjoyable, and so far, we kids have been left to our own devices . . . No obligation to spend time with the adults, where we’d eventually get bored because they’d speak Vietnamese most of the time, and then we’d be stuck wherever they are.
I’ve been having trouble with the jetlag, same as my cousins, but I don’t remember having so much trouble last year with it. I didn’t sleep on the plane like last year. For overseas flights, it seems that they have scheduled times where they dim all the lights to get passengers to sleep, and I assume that’s to help with the jetlag. I totally didn’t do that this time, read a book for the first half of the flight, and then slept for most of the second half . . . so I herped up this time.
My cousin, Theresa, has been trying to speak Vietnamese, and since she knows less Vietnamese than I do, it encourages me to try and speak more often. Hopefully, by the time I go home, I’ll be able to speak a little better. My cousin, Quan, who’s gone to Viet school in Houston (sort of like Sunday school, but on Saturdays, and all you learn is Vietnamese stuff), is teaching me some of the grammar and stuff, so that I’m not totally illiterate. I’m excited because I’ve always wished I could speak Vietnamese fluently, but alas, the daycares in the US speak only English or English and Spanish, and I guess my parents spoke more English than Vietnamese to me when I was young, so I didn’t retain much knowledge of the Vietnamese language.
I know this is a text-only blog, and I apologize for it not being as interesting as ones with pictures or the vlogs. If the internet is willing to upload the video, I’ll try to make a vlog for my next post.
Until next time,
Praxis
