Category: Friends

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I had a dream

That I overslept again and both Toto and Jager peed everywhere in my apartment. And then my parents visited me and where like, “Wtf.” And they brought McDonald’s to eat for dinner. What? I guess that’s what I get for taking a 3-hour nap at four in the afternoon. So, my first counseling session was on Monday afternoon, and while it was kinda weird to be going to counseling, overall, I was comfortable with who I had been assigned as a counselor. I have to attend a few more sessions before being able to see the psychiatrist, and if I want to know from them whether or not I have ADD/ADHD, I’d have to go to an off-site testing area to get tested (which would cost money). If I don’t want to wait til I’m eligible to see the psychiatrist on campus, then I have to find one off campus and either get tested by them, or just talk with them and see if they think that I do have ADD/ADHD (which would still cost money). I’m not sure whether or not I want to wait, as most of the studying tips she suggested are things I have already tried. One of my friends suggested I write in my books while I study as it helps one concentrate on what they’re actually reading if they actively take notes; while I can see that working, my mind immediately balked at the idea and said, “NO, it is forbidden!” And some of the textbooks I have do not belong to me. As for my anger issues, she suggested that I try meditating daily. And said I should try and have a healthier lifestyle in general, which I know I should. I haven’t been really getting quality sleep lately, I never really ate regularly or healthily (I have more incentive when I’m cooking for other people, rather than for just myself), and I am soooo out of shape. I’m hoping to remedy that this coming semester by making a schedule that has me starting classes at the same time every day and finishing early in the afternoon, allowing me time to get into a habit of waking up at the same time every morning and giving me time to work out for an hour every afternoon. Wish me luck! I’m also much closer to the Activity Center than I was last year, so making the trip from my apartment won’t be as much of a deterrent when it’s cold. Or freezing. 8:40 – It’s so easy to get sidetracked watching videos of cats. Pretty sure I started writing this blog at 8.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss So that was my dog, Toto, giving his input. Maybe he was trying to imitate the creepers from Minecraft. Speaking of pets, I think Jager and Toto were actually playing today! Well, Toto always tries to play with Jager, so that’s not news. However I think Jager was playing hide-n-seek with Toto today. It’s big news! It really is! I’ve never seen Jager play with Toto like that before. Anyway . . . Hmm. Last night I was out shopping, so on the way back I stopped at my ex-boyfriend’s to pick up some stuff that I’d forgotten. We ended up talking for a while, and it became pretty clear to me that we’re better friends than we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m glad that I had the chance to talk with him. It’s put my mind at ease. Even though I haven’t been strong in my faith in the past, I can’t help feeling that God helped me out with this one. My close friends were very supportive of me once I told them, and even having the initiative to go and talk to Chris in the first place was not something I would have been able to do easily in the past. I’m glad with how this whole situation concluded. I am uber excited for this weekend; my friend, Beth, is visiting Dallas for a swing dance class she’s taking with her swing dance club. Since it’s close to campus, she’s spending the night at my apartment for the weekend, and we haven’t been able to really hang out in a long while. (That was another reason why I feel God was really helping me this past week.) In addition, one of my other friends is having her birthday party on Sunday (eating out and going bowling). I love to bowl, so I think it’ll be fun overall, even though I probably won’t know anyone besides the birthday girl. The only damper is that I have a biochem exam next Monday, so I should really be studying right now instead of blogging. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet! I’m soooo bad. My ex has a snake and it’s so cool and I want a snake. My house is going to have a zoo.
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[For You] I’d Do Anything

This is why I regard my friends so highly. Never having had a wealth of friends, and not wanting to be the kind of person that had tons of “friends” whom I would more consider acquaintances in that case, I treasure the ones I find. I try hard to maintain contact with them. I try hard to make the people I call friends (which, I suppose, might equate to the term “best friend” for others) happy and do things that please them. I feel that, for the people who already make me laugh so easily, care when I’m upset, are willing to help me when I need it, and do many other things which I cannot think of at the moment, the fact that I can make them happy automatically makes me happy. I do not like it when y’all are upset or stressed, especially if there’s nothing I can do about it. It makes me feel useless.


I don’t like not being able to see you guys much outside of classes because I feel like I might be forgotten about. That’s why, that one time at the end of last semester, I hit Cameron when I saw him. Having not seen or really heard from him in a while, I was afraid that he might not consider me much of a friend anymore, and I was upset with both him and myself. Shouldn’t I have put more effort into at least trying to talk to him regularly, as he should have? I realize that logic seems kind of stupid and perhaps paranoid. When I compare the friendships I have with all of you to what I see of the friendships you have with each other, I feel somewhat left out. And therefore, when I get to spend time with all of you, I feel privileged. Just being with you guys and watching you interact can make me happy because of that reason.


I suppose, in a way, when I find someone I call a friend, I become clingy and dependent upon them. At least, to me it seems this way. I restrain myself, though, or try, so that I don’t become overbearing or annoying. If I have something to say that’s important to me, but y’all don’t have the time to talk anymore, I won’t say it and keep you further. There’s probably a good chance that I won’t bring it up the next time we talk because I don’t want to bother you with it. The only problem is that I then keep it pent up inside of me, and it might affect my behavior later on. I don’t want to upset y’all, though, so if something’s bothering me, I try not to let it show. I just want for you all to be happy and spend some time with me. And for that, I would do almost anything.


I have a hard time finding people I can talk to about such deep things easily. Even among my friends, there are only a few whom I am comfortable talking about serious matters with. But if you don’t have the time, or the topic bothers you, even if it’s rather important to me, I’ll stop. I’m happy when I can find people whom I can confide in, and even happier when the people I trust can trust me enough to confide in me.
If, in the end, for some reason, I can’t be friends with any of you anymore, I think I’ll be able to handle being alone again.
Anything to make you happy.