Fail Vlog 7: In Which I Sing

Just FYI, if I suddenly stop talking and look away for a few moments for seemingly no reason, it’s probably because my pets were making noise and I got distracted.
Since I’d gotten all pumped up to do a cover of Imagine Dragon’s “Radioactive,” I went ahead and recorded it as a standalone video.

Is This a Cop-Out?

It’s been a few months since I posted my last (public) blog post, so I suppose it’s about time that I made a new one. I kinda cheated on this one, though, since it’s mostly a copy-pasta of a message I sent to someone I’m subscribed to on YouTube. To be fair, I spent a lot of time on it; then again, I can spend an hour writing an email that should take 10 minutes.

The content of the message isn’t really anything new in regards to myself. As for the person it was sent to, that would be David So. He is a comedian on YouTube who posts weekly vlogs; one of his new year’s resolutions is to become fit, and so he’s started a series of fitness vlogs for accountability.

Like usual, my message was intended to be short, but turned into a wall-of-text. I’m not really one to interact with people on the internet. As one friend put it, I use the internet, but I’m not really a part of it. Commenting on videos (or anything, for that matter) is pretty rare for me, so sending messages to people I don’t know IRL — that’s like a once-in-a-blue-moon type of event. Anyway, the most recent fitness vlog should provide you with a more fleshed-out idea of why I felt compelled to randomly message someone I don’t know on the internets.

 

 

 

“A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body.” This quote has kind of become my motto, and I think it really fits with the theme of this week’s FFF. In order to feel good or be happy about oneself, you have to be both mentally and physically healthy.

 

Humans don’t come in just one body type, so being fit isn’t going to look the same for everyone. Mental and physical health affect each other more than people probably realize, and for that reason, I especially admire that you chose not to focus on weight changes in defining your fitness goal.

 

My motivation to become fit actually comes from a desire to be more mentally healthy. Towards the end of college, I was diagnosed with ADHD; I think one reason why it wasn’t obvious during my childhood is because I played sports, and my parents always made sure I ate properly. In college, on the other hand, I didn’t eat healthily, nor did I exercise regularly. Looking at it that way, it’s no wonder that my brain suddenly wasn’t able to effectively manage life.

 

Medication helped a little bit, but due to the side effects, I wasn’t eating enough and lost a lot of weight. The severity of it didn’t hit me until even the act of getting out of bed took considerable effort and energy. And by then, taking medication was pointless since I was so fatigued.

 

After a few weeks of not taking my medication, I’ve managed to gain some weight back. Over the past year or so, I’ve gone to counseling for strategies to work with my ADHD, and to address my low self-esteem issues that could inhibit my progress. By increasing my physical health, I hope that I’ll eventually be able to wean myself off of medication once I’ve established the mental strategies to overcome the challenges my ADHD presents.

 

I have been subscribed to your channel for a long while (I think, maybe from the beginning?!), and I have always appreciated the food-for-thought that you so deftly incorporate into your videos. You are funny, open-minded, and insightful, but not above acting like a fool, or afraid of admitting that you have faults. For those reasons, you are relatable; so when you say that we’re all capable of achieving our goals, people believe you.

 

I guess the point of this message is this: seeing your determination and dedication to overcome something that has been a defining characteristic for a majority of your life encourages and motivates me to be just as persistent in my struggle.

 

David, thank you for all the laughs and life lessons. Watching your videos is something I always look forward to. You’ve got my support, and I look forward to seeing you reach your goal(s).

 

– Praxis

 

P.S. Sorry for the wall of text — it started out as a comment, but it apparently wanted to be an essay instead.

 

All right, so maybe it wasn’t as much of a wall-of-text as I thought, but it sure looked like one in that tiny text-entry box on YouTube.

In other news, I’ve started practicing guitar again, so maybe one day I’ll serenade you — except the guitar will probably drown out my weak singing voice. I’ve also kinda been wanting to do some vlogging, so we’ll see whether or not I’ve gotten markedly better at “public” speaking.

Ummmm, I’ve also got this photo-blog thing on Blipfoto. I know, I know. I’ve already got this blog, why did I make a photo-blog on some other website? Ionno, it’s proven to be slightly easier to keep up with than a traditional blog. Maybe since each post on there is associated with a photo, it keeps me from over-thinking things. And since most of my posts are done from my phone, that also keeps me from writing tons of unnecessary stuff.

Also, also, did you notice? I finally figured out how to center embedded YouTube videos. I’m so pro at blogging.

Well, it’s 5:20 in the morning, so I think it’s safe to say I’ll be skipping class today. Wheee~

I’m a Scientist, Not a Doctor.

After spending most of August cramming for my second retake of the infamous MCAT, life as a grad student has been pretty. . . lazy? I know I have lots of stuff I could be working on for classes, but it’s hard maintaining a grip on time when each class only meets one a week. And considering that I already have difficulty with that as is, it’s probably fairly safe to say that grad school is totally throwing me for a loop.

I’ve only just realized that it’s time to start registering for spring classes, and that was because the administrative assistant of my grad program kindly sent out an email informing grad students of if, along with the necessary forms we’d need to fill out in order to register for classes next semester.
 Safe to say I was completely surprised, and I’m still not sure I’ve accepted this information.

Gotta love thinkgeek.com
A friend gave me this research as a birthday present. It is easily one of my favorite shirts now. In fact, I’m wearing this shirt RIGHT NOW (while writing this blog).

 So I’ve been kinda MIA for a few months. My summer was pretty busy — graduation stuff, visiting home because we discovered that my dad had prostate cancer (luckily, we found it in the early stages, and he was able to have it surgically removed), and cramming (again) for the MCAT.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the title for this blog by now (if you hadn’t already — should’ve been the first thing you read, right?), and you might be wondering what that means. After all, didn’t I just say that I spent part of my summer cramming for the MCAT? The SOP for my application to the master’s program even said that I was planning on entering med school following completion of the program, so I obviously was pre-med and wanted to be a doctor. There it is. Was. I was pre-med, and I wanted to be a doctor. Past tense.

I briefly mentioned in my last vlog that I started working in a lab at the end of the spring semester. Maybe if my summer had been less busy (I was driving from Dallas to Brenham practically every week in June), I would’ve noticed sooner that I really enjoyed working in a lab. Well, that lab in particular, but working in that lab also made me realize exactly how much I love learning about neuroscience. Apparently I love it more than helping people. Or, at least, more than helping people in a career where I’d undoubtedly be full of self-doubt and always wondering if I could’ve done this, or should’ve done that. I wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of residency and working long hours. Yeah, the nuggets of happiness and fulfillment that come from seeing that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life are amazing, but I don’t think I have the type of personality that’s able to withstand the emotionally taxing aspects of being in medicine. I already make sure that my self-esteem stays kinda low, I don’t need all of that stress to make it even lower. I just know that I’d be the type of doctor who lets medicine completely take over her life, always stressing about her patients and being unable to maintain a healthy distance from it. As someone who intends to have a family at some point in the future, that’s not fair to anyone.

In retrospect, reading this book probably also helped me decide to go for a PhD. It’s fiction, but the stories are all based on the author’s med school experience. It’s a quick, easy, and well-written read, so I recommend you at least check it out. (Clicking on the image will take you to the author’s blog post for her book.)

I guess the bottom line was that I couldn’t see myself as being truly happy if I were to pursue medicine as a career. I don’t think  I would dislike it necessarily, but I too easily see myself being perpetually stressed about patients, or not being able to spend time with my family for a birthday or holiday because I was unable to request the day off. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I already have trouble maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life, so I’m sure I would be much worse at it as a (medical) doctor. I know I’d burn myself out.

So I’ve spent a majority of this semester just hashing that whole thought-process out, making sure the idea of pursuing a PhD wasn’t attractive just because it was novel. I’m still trying to convince myself that I’m not “running” from medicine as a career, or that I’m too weak-willed to overcome the rigors of medical school. Part of the strategy for that is telling myself that it takes some degree of strength to face these faults and make the decision that’s right for you.

Anyway, if that all was a little tl;dr for you, here’s a nice, quick, bullet-point list giving the main reasons for me deciding to go for a PhD instead of an MD/DO.

Why I chose PhD over MD :

  • I love neuroscience.
  • Studies are more self-directed. (I learn what I want. Meaning neuroscience. Just neuroscience.)
  • If I work as a TA/RA during my PhD studies, it covers my tuition and gives me some extra to live off of. (I can lessen the financial burden on my parents.)
  • Work hours are more flexible. (I work when I want.)
  • Medicine is still an option after finishing my PhD.

I will say that I’ve been pretty happy since making the decision to pursue a PhD, and that I’ve also been much more proactive in finding out what I need to do to apply to PhD programs than I ever was for the med school application process. Now I need to work on getting myself focused on classes again, as well as establishing a more healthy lifestyle and getting back up to a healthy weight. ‘Cause holy heeby-geebies, I’ve really lost a lot of weight since starting Adderall last fall. It didn’t hit me how big the amount was until I found myself spending consecutive days mainly in bed because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. In fact, I missed my class last Monday because I got nauseous whenever I got up or even sat up for any length of time. Even lying in bed was getting tiresome. At one point I fell asleep on my bedroom floor. Using a 3-skein yarn pack as a pillow. Yep.

I’ve been alternating days off of Adderall this past week, and I’ve found myself eating so much/often that I’m thinking about adding a “mad-munchies” category to The Watch Glass where I document all the stuff I’ve eaten that day. (I’ve actually kinda been doing that already through the Android app for Blipfoto. Maybe I’ll just stick with that. Also, I have way too many different social website accounts.) I also started counseling again through my university’s counseling center (12 sessions/year are included in the tuition), so hopefully I’ll be able to get myself back on track. I’ve definitely seen an increase in motivation to do mundane things (like cook for myself lols) since my mad-munchies fest, so that’s a good sign.

Note to self: don’t ever vlog again while driving. What are you, stupid?

Negatives of Medicine

Disclaimer (10/28/13): I wrote up this list sometime during the spring semester (after a related Journey Into Medicine class lecture), but had planned on fleshing it out more before posting it. Now that I’ve decided to pursue a PhD, I’m publishing it as-is, and also post-dating it to the last time I had edited it.

  • Stress levels in med school, residency
  • Expectation to appear professional at all times, to ALWAYS look put-together
  • Inevitable meltdown(s)
  • Crying = weak
    • Gender double-standards
  • Expectation to deal with problems on our own
    • But then work as part of a team to care for patients
    • “Every man for himself”, self-centered culture
      • Discourages asking for help
      • Unwillingness to do something for another person if there’s no personal gain
    • Expectation by patients and fellow doctors (society as a whole) to prioritize work over all else, even to disregard personal health save for extreme debilitating circumstances
      • Because any work you don’t get done = more work for someone else
      • Or lose revenue from appointment cancellations because you’re out sick

Pinky and the Brain – SOP

The following is my statement of purpose from my application to a master’s program for Applied Cognition and Neuroscience.

When I first started college, I knew nothing about neuroscience – as expected. However, after nearly four years of study towards a bachelor’s degree in neuroscience, I still know nothing about it. If anything, my years of undergraduate study have made me more aware of how little I really know. I originally chose the neuroscience major because of a long-standing curiosity in the science behind individual differences in cognition and behavior. Soon enough, studying neuroscience itself became my motivation for studying more neuroscience – a positive feedback loop, if you will. Neuropharmacology explained how physiological changes produced by various drugs affect cognition and behavior; neuroplasticity illustrated the brain’s ability to adapt, and the possible degrees to which that adaptability can be affected by drugs. Cognitive, developmental, and behavioral neuroscience demonstrated how neuroplasticity, neurophysiology, and neuropharmacology affect (and are also affected by) learning and memory.

The integration of the various branches of neuroscience occurs at so many levels that the study of one invariably leads to another. Studying neuroscience has made me realize that we still have much to learn, and that what we do know is infinitesimal in comparison to what we do not know. It has taught me to focus more on understanding concepts (and less on memorizing facts), and to apply those concepts in everyday life. Though these could be said of all sciences, neuroscience was the catalyst in my developing these views. In studying the role of the nervous system in cognition and other biological systems, I have gained a greater appreciation for other sciences (such as chemistry and physics) in which my knowledge is poor.

Many neuroscience courses used scientific papers as reading material; through learning how to interpret scientific papers, these courses allowed me to further develop my critical thinking skills. Rather than taking a research paper at face value, I have learned to use my current knowledge to search for possible confounding factors, the importance of a data set in the overall findings of the study, ways in which the study could be improved, and future applications or studies of the findings.  These classes have also given me practice in presenting and discussing new topics, especially in regards to adjusting the semantics of my speech to suit the audience’s level of knowledge. For  a brief period of time, I volunteered in Dr. Filbey’s lab, where I gained some basic insight into the protocols, tasks, and imagining techniques used in human research (on addictive disorders).

In high school, I earned high grades with little effort. During freshman year, I quickly found that achieving the same grades in college required a great deal more effort. I struggled with attention and time-management issues, but figured that these problems were due to a lack of practice and experience. In sophomore year, I tried various study strategies, none of which seemed very helpful. During junior year, I went to regular counseling sessions; the first was because I wanted to be evaluated for ADHD, but subsequent sessions were devoted to general stress management. Throughout all of this, my grades only improved slightly, and I continued to have attention and time-management issues. So, in the fall of my senior year, I sought psychiatric help and was diagnosed with ADHD.

Even with a professional diagnosis, I was reluctant to accept that I had ADHD. Accepting the diagnosis felt equivalent to using ADHD as a scapegoat, while denying it suggested that my previous efforts were not sincere enough. None of my neuroscience classes had discussed ADHD in depth, so to understand it better – and potentially myself – I began reading research papers. Since being diagnosed, I have accumulated papers covering various aspects of ADHD, such as studying strategies, coping mechanisms, and genetic, physiological, and behavioral studies. This entire process has taught me a great deal about myself, especially in regards to how I respond to stress. As a result, I am better prepared to handle any difficulties I might encounter during my graduate studies.

Out of the many aspects of neuroscience, neuroplasticity, learning, memory, and cognitive neuroscience have been areas of continual interest. In addition to studying each individually, I am interested in studying their interrelationship. In pursuing a master’s degree in Applied Cognition and Neuroscience, I hope to explore these areas in more depth. If possible, for my area of specialization, I would focus on these aspects in regards to neurological disorders and brain damage.  I wish to research in one of the neuroscience labs in order to expand my shallow understanding of research, and to augment my conceptual understanding of neuroscience. My current plan is to enter medical school after earning my degree, but I also view the master’s program as an opportunity to explore all possible career paths. My post-graduate objective is to make an informed decision in choosing a career path using the experience gained during the program.

My Last Resort: Asking for Help

My parents visited this past weekend, and I finally tried talking to them about waiting another year before applying to med school and staying here to do a master’s program. Of course, things tend to not go as well as planned, and I wasn’t able to get my parents to understand or listen to my reasoning. Not knowing how else I could explain things to them, I figured it was time to ask my uncle for help. Continue reading “My Last Resort: Asking for Help”

All the Healths!

Hay look here’s the rest of what was originally supposed to be one blog post.

ADHD/General Health:

  • Settled on an appropriate daily dosage of Adderall XR
  • Problems in establishing a healthier lifestyle because of Adderall (decreased appetite, insomnia, being fat when not on Adderall)
    • How these problems affect school life
    • Eerrmahgerrrd wtf am I supposed to do
    • Why it’s good for me
    • Wtf do I do

Med School/Future:

  • What med school?
  • Pursuing a master’s degree in applied cognition and neuroscience?
  • Errmahgerrrrd how do I explain this to my parents?

ADHD:

So, sometime around my last week of finals during the fall, I managed to find my optimum Adderall dosage. I know I was still skeptical about being ADHD in general, and unsure of how obvious the effect was supposed to be, but now I’m able to clearly see how much it helps. I am better at prioritizing/planning, have better inhibitory control (study breaks are more likely to be short breaks, rather than a complete diversion), increased ability to maintain attention — in general, better executive function.

Something I noticed the few times I took Adderall during winter break, it’s easier to keep up with household chores also. Like, my mom occasionally admonishes my sister and I for never doing the dishes when we visit home. (I’m bad about doing dishes in the first place. I’ll just let them accumulate until I run out of silverware and dishes.) So every couple of days, I’ll think, “I should put up/wash the dishes. It’s not like there are that many, and my parents would appreciate it.” I want to do the dishes and I am mentally aware that it doesn’t take a lot of time, but it feels like it will, so I just procrastinate on it until my parents come home and end up doing it themselves. Both times I took Adderall during the break, I did the dishes of my own accord. Rather than feeling, “It’s such a bother, having to wash dishes for ten minutes instead of relaxing and watching TV. I’m on break, after all,” it’s more like, “Well, since I’ve already turned on the water to rinse off my plate, might as well wash it and all the other dishes while I’m here.”

I also noticed that I get way more talkative on Adderall. I’m more likely to talk with my friends, rather than being mostly passive in the conversation. Though I sometimes feel bad because I occasionally end up doing a majority of the talking. I’m also more likely to initiate conversations with strangers (like people sitting by me in a class). Don’t get me wrong, it’s still really rare, but still more likely than never. One of the best outcomes I’ve had is being able to approach and talk to professors. I kinda see the increase in talking as more of an increase in my self-confidence, though I can’t think of an explanation for why that is.

So taking Adderall definitely helps me both in studies and social life. But the side effects I experience are pretty intense. Mainly loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping. Now, I’ve always been pretty bad with eating healthily and regularly, for reasons similar to not wanting to do dishes (just feels like so much effort). I’ve never experienced forcing myself to eat — actually, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced having absolutely zero appetite. It’s weird, feeling my stomach growl and knowing that I’m physically hungry, but not having any desire to eat. And after trying to force myself for a while, eventually I just get repulsed at the sight and thought of whatever I’m eating. Light/snack foods seem to go down easily enough — yogurt, granola bars, baby carrots — but anything more substantial than that requires a great deal of effort. I usually try to wolf down a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, before my body has started metabolizing the adderall.

The other issue I’m having is difficulty sleeping. It’s hard for me to fall asleep, stay asleep, and I feel like I hover between consciousness and being asleep (sometimes I can’t tell if I really slept or not). People are generally advised to take adderall before noon in order to avoid sleep problems. I take Adderall at 8 in the morning, and still have trouble falling asleep when it’s 2 AM. Then I end up sleeping in until 12 or so the next day (since I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays) and can’t take Adderall because I woke up so late. On average, since the start of the semester, I’ve taken Adderall on Tuesdays and Thursdays only, because the rest of the week, I wake up at noon and can’t take Adderall unless I feel like staying up for 36 hours. And yet I’ll still feel tired when I wake up, even after three consecutive days of sleeping for like, 12 hours (the weekends). I’ve tried exercising to try tiring my body out enough so that it overcomes the adderall-induced insomnia, but no. I can feel exhausted, but then find myself still awake 4 hours after going to bed.

So, not only do I lack proper nutrition (even moreso than I did before), I also lack proper sleep/rest. Eventually, those effects will negate any benefit I get from taking Adderall. And up until my appointment with the Dr. Stein yesterday, I had accumulated an extremely high level of stress trying to figure out how I was supposed to overcome these side effects. I figured they might decrease once my body gets used to the adderall, but that can’t really happen if I’m only taking it twice a week. And I can’t take it more than that unless I just never want to sleep. And then I haven’t been able to keep up with all of my classes because I’m not taking Adderall on my days off, on top of being mentally fatigued from lack of sleep, made even worse because I haven’t been eating anything substantial. I just found myself going in circles and the stress just kept increasing and things started feeling hopeless.

I’m supposed to do an ADHD self-report scale symptoms checklist once a week, so that my doctor can get an idea of my progress (or lack thereof) with the medication. He remarked that it seemed like the Adderall wasn’t having much of an effect anymore, but I figured that was more due to me only taking it twice a week. I told him about the sleep problems, so the solutions he offered were: switch to a non-stimulant ADHD drug, or get prescribed some sort of sleep aid. I opted for the latter; I don’t like the idea of increasing the number of drugs I’m taking, but I’m reluctant to switch to another ADHD medication because then I would have to experiment with dosages again, and also have to possibly deal with a new set of side effects. Of course, I might encounter side effects with the Clonidine also, but I feel like there’s less probability of me having problems with it.

He gave me a prescription for Clonidine, a mild sedative that was first used to treat hypertension. It’s also used to treat anxiety and panic disorders, and apparently can also help moderate impulsive and oppositional behaviors associated with ADHD. (Wikipedia, yay!) He only talked about how it aided in sleep, since that’s what my main problem was. He also gave me a list of sleep hygiene tips, which lists the combination of melatonin, zinc, and magnesium supplements as a sleep aid. I figured I’ll try that for a week, and if it doesn’t seem to be effective enough, then I’ll get the Clonidine prescription filled and try that out. Hopefully I’ll be able to wean myself off of at least the Clonidine, once I establish a routine and healthier lifestyle in general.

Med School:

As for med school, I went to a pre-health adviser to get some direction on things to do for the application process. She took a look at my GPAs and course history, and with the knowledge that I’m still figuring out all the ADHD stuff, she told me to wait until next year to apply. I knew it was reasonable, and perhaps, the better thing to do for me, but I still couldn’t help but feel disappointed. It’s not like she said I’d never get into med school, and apparently I also need to retake two med school pre-req classes because they don’t meet the minimum grade requirement. Which I probably should’ve realized earlier, but with the whole ADHD thing, and apprehension for talking to people with authority (profs, advisers, older people in general), it’s kinda obvious why I didn’t. It didn’t help that I’d been in a frenzy the whole week prior to the advising session, trying to get together all the info she’d possibly need or ask for, most of which wasn’t even looked at. So I guess the news hit me hard because I’d put a great deal of effort into prepping for the meeting, and I also felt that I should’ve figured out all the ADHD stuff earlier, and if I had, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation.

After a week or so, I calmed down and accepted that it would be better for me to wait. I already had a bunch of stress from ADHD problems and trying to keep up with school as is; worrying about applications might drive me insane. But how am I supposed to explain this to my parents? What else am I supposed to do in all that time between graduation and entering med school, aside from retaking two classes? A friend suggested I go for my masters in Applied Cognition and Neuroscience. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I’m still fighting an uphill battle with ADHD and studying and healthy living. I need time to establish a plan for living normally with ADHD, and then figuring out an effective study method. Just retaking the two classes won’t be enough, and I’m sure I won’t be able to figure it all out before graduation. The masters program will give me a workload to test and refine my study methods. Even if I were to apply this year and, by some miracle, get accepted somewhere, I’d drown under the course load  within the first week.

So then I realized it. I’m just not ready to go to med school yet. How am I supposed to learn how to care for other people when I’m still trying to figure out how to take care of myself?

I think my parents will be able to understand my reasoning, and it’s not like I’ll be doing nothing. I might have to emphasize that waiting another year won’t hurt my chances of getting into med school. Hopefully seeing that I’ve put a lot of thought into it will also keep them from trying to persuade me otherwise. Not to mention that an adviser pretty much said that the chances were really slim if I applied this year. But hopefully I won’t have to tell them that.

Blogging for stress-relief isn’t as therapeutic when you write it after going to the doctor and getting a possible solution. Nor does it accurately convey the extent to which the stress was affecting me. Oh well.

The Blog Where I Try to Make My Life Sound Interesting

All right, here’s the outline of what’s sure to be a tl;dr post. (There was originally more to the outline but then my tl;dr post was becoming too tl;dr and I had to break it up because I’m fail.) Summary:

  • End of fall semester
  • Winter break
    • WoW all day every day
  • Start of spring semester

So in my last post, I was all conflicted about whether I truly have ADHD, or if I just convinced myself that I do, which then caused me to subconsciously adopt behaviors indicative of ADHD. I spent the last few weeks of the semester kinda out of it, probably. I continued to experiment with Adderall dosages, which also means that I was subject to its side effects also (mainly loss of appetite and trouble sleeping). Which meant that I didn’t eat enough — and I already have poor eating habits — nor did I sleep enough. I also suddenly had to deal with another health issue that cropped up; I got medicine for it. Like the Adderall, it suppressed my appetite, but what’s worse is that it did not play well with the Adderall at all. After two days of trying to take the two medications together and feeling completely nauseated and miserable, I decided to hold off on the Adderall until I finished the other medicine (10 days or something like that). The best part is that it didn’t even fix my problem! (Which resolved itself over winter break.) Anyhow, with all that going on, I don’t know how I managed to get A’s in all my courses. Some were A-‘s, but I had expected to get a B+ or something in those anyway, so I’m very pleased with how my semester ended.

Brad apparently wants me to be more acquainted with alcohol.

My last final was during the week before Christmas, so I don’t think I got home until the 22nd or so. Christmas didn’t really feel like Christmas this year. Christmas Eve with the extended family didn’t have the festive vibe compared to previous years. Apparently the explanation as to why Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas needed to be a post of it’s own. It’s all about my family’s dynamics (password: “family”). Anyway, I had 3 weeks for winter break. The first week I spent at my parents’ house because they had the week off on holiday. I remember watching lots of movies, and then some post-Christmas shopping at the mall (to look for good deals and presents for my dad’s birthday in January). The second week was spent at my sister’s house in Austin, most of which was spent playing WoW with her and Brad. On New Year’s Eve, we played pretty much until midnight — or I did, since I’d just gotten a one month subscription because it was being offered super cheap that weak and needed to lvl up my toons to where they could take main-story quests. And then I went back to lvling up my toon while Brad played some D3 and my sister fell asleep.

Living it up on New Year’s Eve playing WoW in the footie pajamas my sister gave me for Christmas.

The last week was spent back at my parents’ house. During Thanksgiving, my mom had requested that I make a beanie and scarf for my dad’s Christmas present. I wasn’t able to do that in time for Christmas and had to give him something else. Luckily, my dad’s birthday is in January, so I had a second chance. Since his birthday was after the start of classes, my mom also wanted to celebrate his birthday before I left. Since I was on break and had so much free time, I was in charge of making a cake and wrapping the presents. We (I) planned on celebrating the Friday before classes started, to give me as much time as possible to finish the scarf. Now, I’d managed to knit the hat during all the movie-watching the first week of my break. I’d started the scarf, but obviously didn’t make much progress during the week spent at my sister’s house. I worked on it somewhat on Monday and Tuesday, though most of Monday night was spent obsessing over finding a way to get my dad’s cheapo brand LED TV to work with his outdated surround sound system. Due to overnight shipping being unexpectedly and exorbitantly expensive, Wednesday morning I had to pick up my sister’s wedding invitations in Houston, then drive to Austin that same day to help her assemble them since Brad was visiting his family out-of-state. I planned on driving back to my parents’ house on Friday.

Not too shabby-looking! Especially since it was the first time I'd ever decorated a cake.
Not too shabby-looking! Especially since it was the first time I’d ever decorated a cake.

We definitely didn’t work on invitations Wednesday night; I think we just watched movies until we fell asleep, and I spent most of that time working on my dad’s scarf. I’m sure we didn’t get up until sometime in the afternoon on Thursday, and we didn’t start working on the invitations until close to midnight. Or maybe a little after. We finished them a lot faster than we expected — within 2-3 hours. I think it was because we had FRIENDS running on the TV while we worked. Which we then sat and watched until we fell asleep once we were done. Or my sister did, at least. I went back to working mindlessly on my dad’s scarf. Thankfully the FRIENDS dvd automatically starts playing the episodes after a certain amount of time on the menu screen, otherwise I would’ve gone crazy listening to the theme song repeat over and over. Around 5 or 6 in the morning, I stopped knitting and took a quick nap, after having nodded off while knitting so many times before. My progress was frustratingly slower than expected and it was Friday and I was supposed to go home that day and I still had to bake and decorate a cake and what the heck how am I supposed to do all of this stuff —

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My dad opening his birthday presents — stuffed in a shoebox that had recently held a newly-bought pair of boots. After wearing the hat and scarf for a while, he said that they made him feel hot. My mom was like, “Good! Then they’ll keep you warm outside too.”

But I managed somehow. I left my sister’s house a lot later than I’d planned, but I managed to finish the cake and the scarf without either turning out too ugly. Sped the 1.5 hours home and ate dinner with my parents, who lovingly waited for me so that we could all eat together. And then I went back out to my car to sneak in the cake and scarf without my dad noticing. Needless to say, the presents weren’t wrapped, but it’s just paper and we only had Christmas paper anyway. Aaghhhhh why do I fail at summaries? Like anyone really cared to know all those little details. I write for forever. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT BECAUSE I HAVE NOBODY TO TALK TO. ;; So, beginning of spring semester. I got an internship at a hospice where I basically am a volunteer whose only responsibility is to be friends with the hospice patients. I’m in an MCAT class and I’m supeeeeerrrrrr behind on homework and stuff. Meaning that I haven’t started. My car had a sudden weird breakdown a month ago involving brake calipers and overheating causing a failsafe to kick in that shut down my engine and there was some huge rats nest in my engine and I’m finally taking it to the dealership tomorrow but have been driving it sparingly since that incident and it’s like noooormmmaallll. But apparently it’s total bs for my car to have had that problem since it’s a 2009 model and those problems are power-train related and are supposed to be covered for like 100,000 miles and my car’s only around 35,000. Oh wow, look at how quickly that devolved I’ve been up for 36 hours run on sentences forever. And there was this one night that it snowed and I was like “Oh shi–” and went back into a knitting frenzy to make beanies for my friends that were supposed to have been their Christmas presents for like 2010. And then the weather got all warm like it was trolling me and this semester was supposed to be easy but it’s not and I’m losing my marbles. More reasons contributing to loss of marbles to be covered in next blog post.