The Ones Who Matter (Part 6)

All right, the way I have things planned, part 7 will be the last post — and I’m about 90% sure it will akshually be the last one. This post was supposed to be the second half of Part 5, but lo and behold, I found enough to say about Nightmaren to warrant them having their own post.

Again, I did not expect a mere phone game to become such an integral part of my life. I haven’t been playing it as intensely since the start of this semester, but I still log on at least once a day.

About 2 years ago, I wrote this post about online friends and how I’d never really made any before, in spite of having tried a few MMOs (which seem to be where a lot of online friends are made). And earlier this spring, I hinted in this post that I had become really close to some of the people in a guild I had joined. I’m still surprised that I began talking in the guild chat pretty freely within such a short period of time. I can only hypothesize that it was easier for me to become comfortable in the guild for the phone game because of the fact that there were only about 15 other members by the time I joined, and out of those, only 6-8 of them frequented the chat room. In comparison, MMO guilds tend to be much larger, and plus there are always other players outside of the guild that are present in the public chat. Even if there’s no interaction with them, I guess it still feels the same as being in a room full of people for me — which just activates my wallflower mode.

But I (kinda) digress. This post is dedicated to Kaili and Tali, the two friends I’ve made in the guild. In spite of us having known each other for only about 8 months, I am as close to them as I am with all the other friends I’ve mentioned in this series. I think this was possible for me because I felt no need to uphold any pretenses given that we were all people who took a phone game a tad too seriously — comparatively, I felt a need to prove my intelligence to the friends I made in college. I don’t know exactly why, aside from the context of meeting in an academic setting.

Regardless, I made Kaili and Tali aware of my shortcomings pretty much from the beginning of our friendship, and I’m sure that a lot of our bonding was a result of us being so open about our own faults. And while we’re all a little low on self-esteem, we’re also pretty good at pointing out when one of us is being too hard on ourselves.

So I just realized that I might be codependent, or have codependent tendencies. I’m pretty sure I used to be, if I’m not anymore — and if so, that’s only thanks to all these friends that I’ve made. Another topic for another post, though I feel like I’ve probably inadvertently touched upon the subject past blogs.

Okay, back to the topic. Kaili and Tali have helped me become more confident in myself over the past few months through various ways. I’d say letting me sing at them for hours over Skype is one of the main ones. Being nonjudgmental of me is one of the others. I feel like snapchat should be included somewhere in this list as well. My mind is having trouble working at the moment.

You know how when you binge on a TV show, book series, manga, or anime, you go on a roller coaster of emotions, but afterwards have trouble remembering exactly what happened? That’s kinda how my friendship with these two feels. I know we’ve been through quite a bit together, but I’m having trouble remembering exactly what the big events were. I’d say that generally, our friendship consists of a lot of ridiculous random conversations, ridiculous random conversations + alcohol, open announcements of bodily functions and other body-related things that are generally taboo in public, and a little anime and video games. Which reminds me, I originally got my 3DS XL because I wanted to do online Pokemon battles with them — and also because I was disappoint that Nightmaren wasn’t able to sell me their PS Vita.

I should've been paid for that work lols.

I got really intense with the guild conquest events for a while. *Really* intense.

The random and ridiculous conversations seem to be a staple of all my friendships. I’m curious as to whether that’s common to close friendships of other people. It seems like an inherent part of close friendships, even if it’s not something that occurs very often. I can’t think of many other ways someone would be able to deem another person a close friend. Then again, I did admit to my brain not being optimally functional at the moment, so I don’t place much weight on my current inability to think of other possibilities.

Of one thing, I am sure — meeting Kaili and Tali gave me some much needed socialization and practice in being more open about myself. They’ve given me the (constant) support and encouragement I needed to start making the bigger life changes in my efforts to find ways to work around my ADHD. In fact, Kaili was the one who told me about Habit RPG, so you indirectly have her to thank for me actually posting semi-regularly this past summer.

Next post is the last one in this series! For srs. After that, we’ll be returning to the daily “750 Words” posts — at least until the next time I have a definite topic I want to cover.

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