[For You] I’d Do Anything

This is why I regard my friends so highly. Never having had a wealth of friends, and not wanting to be the kind of person that had tons of “friends” whom I would more consider acquaintances in that case, I treasure the ones I find. I try hard to maintain contact with them. I try hard to make the people I call friends (which, I suppose, might equate to the term “best friend” for others) happy and do things that please them. I feel that, for the people who already make me laugh so easily, care when I’m upset, are willing to help me when I need it, and do many other things which I cannot think of at the moment, the fact that I can make them happy automatically makes me happy. I do not like it when y’all are upset or stressed, especially if there’s nothing I can do about it. It makes me feel useless.


I don’t like not being able to see you guys much outside of classes because I feel like I might be forgotten about. That’s why, that one time at the end of last semester, I hit Cameron when I saw him. Having not seen or really heard from him in a while, I was afraid that he might not consider me much of a friend anymore, and I was upset with both him and myself. Shouldn’t I have put more effort into at least trying to talk to him regularly, as he should have? I realize that logic seems kind of stupid and perhaps paranoid. When I compare the friendships I have with all of you to what I see of the friendships you have with each other, I feel somewhat left out. And therefore, when I get to spend time with all of you, I feel privileged. Just being with you guys and watching you interact can make me happy because of that reason.


I suppose, in a way, when I find someone I call a friend, I become clingy and dependent upon them. At least, to me it seems this way. I restrain myself, though, or try, so that I don’t become overbearing or annoying. If I have something to say that’s important to me, but y’all don’t have the time to talk anymore, I won’t say it and keep you further. There’s probably a good chance that I won’t bring it up the next time we talk because I don’t want to bother you with it. The only problem is that I then keep it pent up inside of me, and it might affect my behavior later on. I don’t want to upset y’all, though, so if something’s bothering me, I try not to let it show. I just want for you all to be happy and spend some time with me. And for that, I would do almost anything.


I have a hard time finding people I can talk to about such deep things easily. Even among my friends, there are only a few whom I am comfortable talking about serious matters with. But if you don’t have the time, or the topic bothers you, even if it’s rather important to me, I’ll stop. I’m happy when I can find people whom I can confide in, and even happier when the people I trust can trust me enough to confide in me.
If, in the end, for some reason, I can’t be friends with any of you anymore, I think I’ll be able to handle being alone again.
Anything to make you happy.

Reminiscing

So. It’s three twenty-three in the morning where I live. My stomach is growling; I haven’t been eating very healthily lately. I tend to neglect myself when I’m at home alone?
As of late, my sleeping has been out of whack. Falling asleep at two, waking up slightly around eight or so in the morning, falling back asleep, and not getting up until noon-ish. So, to remedy this without some type of medication, I shall pull an all nighter (to the best of my abilities) and stay awake all day, thus tiring myself out enough to fall asleep at a normal time and (hopefully) fix my sleeping schedule.

I noticed earlier that I joined in 2005 and my fifth anniversary is in about three weeks. Whoo. (I haven’t been a stellar member, though.) So, I’ve been skimming through past entries. I know my grammar was horrendous in the beginning. I’m not sure exactly when proper grammar debuted in my entries, but anything written during and after 2006 was significantly better. My style and diction has changed so much since then.

One common thing about most, if not all, of my previous entries: I was friggin hyper. Periods and exclamation points galore. Smilies up the wazoo. They were certainly colorful.

Most of my entries were pretty down to earth. Coherent, ya know? And then, sometimes, out of seemingly nowhere, an entry would pop up where I’m abusing the period or exclamation point and spouting nonsense. I believe those entries were written and posted sometime in the early morning hours when I was suffering from sleep deprivation. Which just goes to show you that I should not still be up and blogging my thoughts for the general public when my good judgment is taking a break.

Well, at least it’s obvious (from past entries) how I came up with my username.

It is now three forty-two in the morning. My eyes feel gritty. I think I’ll retire from Xanga for tonight. Or this morning, rather.

Please don’t read my past entires. It’s embarrassing.

Barely a dent in the surface: A glimpse at the Loquacious Linh

All right, I guess it’s about time I update. This one shall be about random aspects of my personality.

So, how revealing of my personality should I be?

Well, most people who aren’t complete and total strangers can tell you that I have a quick temper. If you have any good calming techniques, I’m all ears. Depending on how you advise me, that is. >.>

I like my food. Don’t touch my food. Ever.
And if you find that you can’t finish your food, offer it to me. I’ll most likely take it. >.> So what, I’m a fatty! I have no life. I’ll eventually become the most obese person in the world. Whatever. As long as I get my food.

I sound so fat. A fat person in a skinny person’s body. Not that I’m complaining. But I needs exercise. Snowboarding, anyone?

I love sports. Soccer is my favorite to play. Rugby is my favorite to watch. Rugby makes football look pansy-ish. My kids shall play rugby. Mwuhahahaha. Geebus, I’m already cultivating violence into the personality of my inexistent children. Don’t lock me in an insane asylum, pleassse.

I’m very adamant about grammar, as you can see by my grammatically correct typing and sentence structure.

Pokemon is my favorite cartoon. However, anything after the Johto League is insanely idiotic. And I love video games, though I don’t get to play often. I only have an N64. Not that I’m complaining. Super Smash Bros., anyone? I used to suck at that game. I was horrible. One of those just-push-random-buttons-and-see-how-long-you-live players. I pwn now.

I have an active imagination. Please, no scary movies, nor any video games with creepy music and dark corridors, etc. Not unless you want to give me a heart attack. And if I die, I will haunt your ass for it. “What is this feeling of blatant hostility?” “Oh, it’s just Linh.”

You could say I’m socially inept, to a degree. I shy away from social settings. I’m, as some would say, a wall flower. There are few people I consider friends. If I say you’re a friend, it’s the equivalent of being a “best friend” for other people. Either you’re a friend, or you’re an acquaintance. There is no in between.

Since I have few friends, I’m obviously not very open about my emotions. I keep my life private. Since I’m a private person in general, you can trust me to keep your secrets. Besides, I probably don’t even know the people that you want to keep these secrets from.

I aspire to be a doctor. A surgical doctor, to be exact. So don’t make me irate. I’ll know exactly where to place my scalpel in order to cripple you. Or worse. -maniacal laughter- I’m just kidding. I’m not that violent.
But yeah. I want to be a surgical doctor, and I’m considering obtaining a license in massage therapy to help me pay for medical school.

People say I’m smart. If you ask me if I am, I’ll shrug and say, “I guess.” But I’ll probably act smart-alec. I tend to subconsciously analyze situations and people. I have a low tolerance level for idiots. And slow walkers. I hate people who walk insanely slow and string their idiotic group across the entire hallway. And why the heck does the math hallway seem the most crowded?!?

And last, but not least, I know I’m weird. Not the weirdest person on the planet, but definitely not normal.

That should be more than enough to sate your odd curiosity about what I am like. I swear, I’m not that interesting. But, should you happen to want to know more (for reasons I can’t even begin to fathom), I guess you can always ask. I can’t promise I’ll answer, but hey, it never hurt to ask, right?


Outsiders in Society

Recently, in my AP Language and Composition class, my teacher assigned her classes a synthesis paper on outsiders in our society. We had read The Scarlet Letter and just finished watching The Crucible. We were to use three out of the five sources to quote from in our paper. Along with the two I have just named, two clips from Good Night and Good Luck (Or was the title the other way around?), and an article entitled “Just Walk By: Black Men and Public Space.” Of course, I know that my paper could be much better than it was, especially if I had started it sooner. For those of you who read my Xanga (if any), I hope you enjoy what I have written. Comments would be much appreciated, even though the paper has already been submitted for grading.

 

Philosophically, every person can be considered an outsider in another’s opinion. The basic standards that are considered when judging another to be an outsider remain the same for everyone, regardless of ethnicity, economic status, or intelligence. For example, a person born into wealth may regard him- or herself an outsider because they do not have to worry about financial problems. This person may also view one who is impoverished as an outsider because the latter is unable to provide for himself. Likewise, the impoverished views both himself and the one financially blessed to be outsiders for the same reasons. Although these two people are from different ends of a spectrum, the ways they consider people outsiders are the same. Therefore, people considered outsiders and those considered “insiders” both have a similar understanding of how this judgment system works. In today’s society, people of extremely high intelligence, people with a disability (physical, or mental), and people who are extremely outspoken are the main groups one thinks of as outsiders.

“Jealousy breeds contempt” lays the foundation for the ostracization of people whose levels of thought seem unfathomable for those of average intelligence. Society treats these people by three basic methods: mocking the intelligent, expecting superhuman accomplishments (exerting overwhelming stress upon the individual), or ignoring them entirely. Society has even created separate schools for people of such intelligence (although these institutions were established for the betterment of bright individuals). These actions cause exceedingly smart people to become extremely independent. An aversion to social settings may stem from this independence, resulting in social ineptness (even when with people of similar intelligence). A need to “fit in” may cause the person to not live at his full potential, wasting the gift he has been given. Society censors these people by not accepting them and implying that acting “normal” would gain them a more favorable treatment. Just as excessive surveillance causes Winston Smith in Orwell’s 1984 to subconsciously self-censor himself, stereotypical treatment of highly intelligent people will cause them to suppress their creative and cognitive abilities (source C paragraph 7).

Society treats people with physical or mental disabilities similarly to those with high intelligence. Some are mocked for their differences while others are ignored for their oddities; however, depending on the severity of the disabilities, little is expected from these people. For those with more debilitating disabilities, people trained specially to deal with mentally or physically challenged people are recruited to care for the latter. As with the intelligent outcasts, the government has established special institutions for these kinds of people. State schools undertake the task of teaching those with mental disabilities, at the pace the student needs, while insane asylums care for those who have experienced severe trauma that has rendered them incapable of caring for themselves. In a way, this is society’s attempt to distance itself from people who seem extremely different from the norm. Society has even coordinated Olympics especially for those physically or mentally challenged. Although, from this aspect, society (as a whole) cares for these people, many others act condescendingly. In the 1600s, people with physical and mental disabilities were sometimes believed to be connected with witchcraft and the devil (whether they be victims or witches themselves).

While society mainly ostracizes the highly intelligent and the physically or mentally disabled, it tends to suspect and censor the ones who blatantly express their opinions. In the past, everyone was expected to speak only in court when given permission. Expressing one’s opinion that disagreed with a majority of the people caused the person to be judged when they had otherwise been innocent. For example, when John Proctor questions the abilities of the girls to see the devil and his minions, suspicion falls on him (source B). One person would not disagree with the majority without a viable reason. Society has determined for itself what it likes and dislikes; when someone expressive crosses the imaginary line, certain people of the society become indignant and enraged, thinking that they have been wronged or misrepresented in some way. As Edward R. Murrow said, “[Societies] have a built-in allergy to unpleasant or disturbing information” (source E). Since society has a defaulted set of standards for the people within itself, such as political correctness, when an expressive person speaks his mind, society attempts to asphyxiate the individual, wanting to make him or her conform to its standards. Through this, people slowly lose their given right to freedom of speech and thought. Society should be more tolerant of such expressive people because their voiced opinions causes the rest of the people to think about the problems of today’s world. To silence and control them would be a mistake, even if their expressiveness becomes blatant and uncivilized.

In conclusion, everyone is considered an outsider in his life at some point, by someone. The world contains billions of opposites, and anything opposite something else can be considered unorthodox (or an outsider, in this case). One does not even have to be a polar opposite of someone else in order to consider the other an outcast. The slightest difference in personalities can trigger the stereotypes in one’s mind into classifying another as an outcast, although the term “outcast” may not be used. People view outsiders through the outlooks they have been raised with. Outsiders are only those whose personality and being causes one to differentiate himself from another, no matter how big or small the difference.